Non-readers

I don't get non-readers, or perhaps I should clarify that I don't get people who not only claim they don't read but also freaking brag about it as well. So this tirade that you're about to witness is for those people.

First of all, dumb ass, it is physically impossible to be a non-reader in our society. The only way to be a non-reader is to be completely illiterate, and if you're illiterate, then I either apologize for calling you a dumb ass or I want to further yell at you for not taking the initiative in your life to get the necessary education to become literate (of course, the only way you are hearing me yell at you is if a literate person is actually reading this to you.) As long as you actually CAN read, then you are a reader. There is no getting around it. Seriously try to get through a day without reading anything. It ain't happening, my friend. Not with our reliance on social media, not with the need to read the street signs to find your exit, not with hunger gnawing at your belly and urging you to hurry up and read the menu and choose something, not with all the inane reports we have to fill out every day at work, not with the constant scroll of words flowing by at the bottom of our TV screens updating us on the weather and breaking news, and not with the plethora of other things we do every single day that REQUIRE us to read something.

So, now that we know and acknowledge that it is, in fact, impossible to be a non-reader as long as you can actually read, let's move on to the real thing that grinds my gears -- the morons who BRAG that they don't read -- they are usually referring to the fact that they don't read books. You might as well slap a sticker on your forehead and announce to the world that you are a pathetic loser and you prefer to remain an ignorant idiot in the sea of knowledge all around you. Reading is what separates us from every other species. Reading is what empowers us, teaches us, helps us grow and continually raises us to new heights with each generation.

When they want to subdue a people, they burn their books. Think about that. Why burn the books? They're just books, right? Wrong! They are the bastion of freedom and of everything that truly matters to a culture. Saying you are a non-reader is like saying you are not an American, or whatever nationality you claim. Saying you are a non-reader is like saying you are a non-Christian, or whatever religion you embrace. Saying you are a non-reader is like declaring that you simply don't give a damn about anything. And, since you probably wouldn't go around bragging to the world that you don't care about anything, not one damn thing, then you should stop announcing that you don't read books.

Rather than wasting time telling everyone you don't read and thus verbally sharing your stupidity with all who even care to listen to you, you should try picking up a book and actually reading it. You just might surprise yourself. After all, to paraphrase a really smart man, if you're not reading books then you might as well be illiterate because it has the same result.

If you don't know the true quote or who said it, then pick up a book of quotes and look it up! If you've read this, then you're not a non-reader, and if you still try to claim you are, then I invite you to truly "schtick this!' Only put it where the sun don't shine. I'll be in my hammock enjoying a good book and the feel of the sun on my skin while you're walking around with a large tome shoved up your ass. Have fun.