Disclaimer before reading the following post: If you don't have a sense of humor or a desire to continually improve yourself, then do NOT read this post. If your hackles are always up, and you believe that your opinions and yours alone are the only correct ones in the world, then go do something else. You, and your kind, are not welcome here.
Here's a test. Read the following and see if you can find the mistakes:
Well, we could of won the game, but the referee was a real jerk, and coach was to. I'm so sick of how he only plays your kids if your someone important in the community. He's not even that great of a coach. I mean, seriously, he don't make the write calls at the write times. In the last quarter he should of called a time out before my son fouled out, but he's to arrogant to do the write thing.
O.K. You should have caught SEVEN glaring mistakes, depending on how you count them. Did you? If not, then go back and reread it, and try again. I'll wait.
Why this little test? Because I'm utterly sick and tired of two things concerning social media -- first and foremost, the needless, inane, and ignorant rants that people post in the heat of the moment without truly considering the consequences of what they write, and -- second, the rampant misuse of the English language via mistakes that are unnecessary and easy to stop before they happen.
Here are a few of the most blatant ones that really get under my skin:
1. It is could HAVE or should HAVE. It is not could OF or should OF. In the passage above, it should read "we could have won the game." This particular mistake has become quite pervasive throughout social media, and it needs to stop. It's been slowly creeping into everyday language for years now, too. I sometimes have to stuff cotton into my ears to stop them from bleeding when this mistake pops up too frequently in my classroom full of junior high kids, but they are junior high kids and not grown-ass adults who should know better by now.
2. That sentence ending in TOO in #1 leads me to my second complaint. Stop using TO when you mean TOO. If you can substitute also for the word "to," then you need the word "too" and not "to." " . . . and coach was to" should read "and coach was too" since it would sound equally correct to say "and coach was also."
The other use of TOO is to emphasize something. Like every time I read a comment where TO is used instead of TOO, I think to myself (or yell aloud) "this person is too stupid!" So, in the sample from above, the final part should read "he's too arrogant" because it's emphasizing the quantity of arrogance he has.
TO is to be used as the beginnings of infinitives or as a preposition to show that someone is going TO Hell for not being able to correctly master this very simple concept.
3. Now let's tackle that tricky duo of YOUR versus YOU'RE. Hmmmm, they are just so puzzling. Actually, no, they are not. See that little guy hanging around in the air between the U and the R in the second one? That's called an apostrophe. Say it with me. A-pos-tro-phe. What the hell is it doing there? It's taking the place of something that was left out. So, what possibly could have been left out? Oh, that's right. The letter A. As in YOU ARE a dumb ass if you don't understand this simple concept. That could also read as YOU'RE a dumb ass. Of course, if you write YOUR A DUMB ASS, then you are simply proving my point that YOU'RE THE DUMB ASS.
YOUR is for possession as in THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL. So, wake the fuck up and stop using YOUR when you mean YOU'RE and vice versa.
4. Moving on. The next mistake you should have noticed (did you notice I wrote should have and not should of?) is the HE DON'T. I blame this extremely common mistake on country music. Just listen to it sometime if you don't already. It is chock-full of "he don't" and "she don't" and "it don't." So, what should it be you ask? Well, I'm glad you're curious. The correct phrasing is HE DOESN'T. This applies to the other country music errors -- SHE DOESN'T and IT DOESN'T. Seriously, just think of it without the N'T attached. Would you say HE DO something? Hell no, you wouldn't! You'd know better because it just sounds wrong. Why does it sound wrong? Because it is!!!!! HE DOES THE LAUNDRY but HE DOESN'T DO THE DISHES is correct. HE DO THE LAUNDRY but HE DON'T DO THE DISHES is the lingo of a moron. Stop being a moron.
5. The final mistake from above was, and should have been, the most obvious. It's also the most forgivable because people rely too much on spell check these days, and they don't pay attention to whether (or is it weather?) or not they are using the correct homophone. I see people using WRITE when they mean RIGHT all the time. That doesn't make it o.k., though. Double check what you WRITE so that you will get it RIGHT.
Now that I have either thoroughly pissed you off (because you are one of the millions fucking up when you use basic English that you should have mastered in first grade) or I have enlightened you a little, please go back and review the rant at the beginning of my long rant, and see if you can now spot the seven very glaring mistakes. If you can, good job. I'm proud of you.
Now, please, I beg of you these two things: first, think before you post stupid comments that will only serve to hurt someone or to make you look horrible (or both), and second, if you must post the mean rants, then please give yourself more credibility by ranting using correct grammar and spelling.
I look forward to reading your correctly worded social media rants . . . uh, I mean, posts.
