The italicized part is a letter I wrote to myself prior to my divorce. I now write a response to that woman of the past.
Dear former married self,
I write this to you as you approach your third Christmas without the man who made you so unhappy for so many years. The past two Christmases without him have been wonderful, and this one promises to be even better yet.
Dear future divorced self,
I write this to you from the past, which is the present right now, but as soon as I post it and when you later read it, it will most definitely be the past.
I write to you, a free woman, to remind you to not squander that hard won freedom. Breathe it in every single day. Relish it. Embrace it. Heck, fondle it a little even. Just be sure to love it every single minute. The war for it was a long one, but you came out alive -- scathed, most certainly, but alive and kicking nonetheless.
Do not fear. I have not squandered a moment of my freedom. I give thanks for it every single day. I know that I am one of the lucky ones who saw the misery she was living and got out alive and before it was truly too late. I don't take a single day for granted. I relish every moment of living my life how I see fit and without the negativity that was once a part of my daily existence.
I speak to you from your not-so-distant past to remind you that you once lived here in misery, so if you from time to time find yourself feeling nostalgic for something you think you've lost, then allow me to send out a virtual-world slap to the face from the past you to the future you. Snap out of it, woman! You are better off in every single sense of the word than you were even a few months ago.
I've never felt a moment of nostalgia because I know that what I had wasn't worth wasting my time over missing it. If I'm nostalgic for anything, it's simply for the time when my kids were little. I so badly wish I could return to that time and give them a life without that man bringing a daily dose of negativity into their sweet, innocent lives. That is my biggest regret -- that I didn't divorce him long ago and save them some needless suffering. Nostalgia for times spent with him, though? Not even once have I missed him. Not even for a single second since the moment he moved out.
You can now focus on your dreams and on turning them into reality. You're going to be a published author, and you're going to be successful at it -- you now have the time to focus on your craft, and you can write more often in this blog that you currently neglect as badly as somebody once neglected you.
My first book is being published sort of -- it's available on the Norfolk Daily News website where they are releasing a chapter a time on Fridays for a year. The response has been pretty great. With school and the demands of the things I coach there, though, I still don't have the time I truly need to devote to writing like I want to, but I'm making plans for a soon-to-be future that won't include all of those extra duties and that will free up more time for me to focus on my writing.
You can travel more now. Go swim with those whale sharks, see Macchu Picchu, fly over the Grand Canyon, drive to the Florida Keys, visit Alcatraz (and imagine somebody locked away there), feel the spray from Iguazu Falls, see a glacier before they become extinct, and revisit all those places you loved but never got enough time to appreciate with someone who hated to travel.
I did swim with those whale sharks! It was amazing! I want to go back and do it again. This past summer, though, I didn't get anywhere exotic. I spent most of it riding my motorcycle, though, which was a treat in itself. Don't worry, though. Many more trips abroad and within the states are planned and will happen.
Read all those books crowding your shelves and all those you have yet to buy and all those that are yet to be published. Soak in the words of the Masters, and use them to become a better writer yourself. Learn from the greats and appreciate the wisdom packed into those pages.
I'm approaching my goal of 50 books read this year. I will probably fall a little short, but I'm definitely reading a lot more than I was able to before. When you live a life that is stress-free, it's amazing what you can accomplish.
Love your children every single day, and let them know that they are the most important people in your life, and they always will be. Show them that you are better and stronger for having finally broke away from the negativity holding you back for so many years. Let them know that standing on their own two feet is much more important than leaning on somebody else.
I'm sure they know how much I love them. Sam still lives at home, and our nightly ritual involves me telling her I love her and her telling me the same. I text Trevor frequently and always let him know I love him. I am very proud of the man he's becoming, and I go to as many of the basketball games he helps coach as I possibly can. His father doesn't go to any. Actions speak louder than words! Sam is a wonder, and I can't speak enough about how talented, smart and lovely she is. I look forward to seeing the woman she'll become.
Treat your friends well, especially your best friend, and make many new ones. Have fun! Lots of fun! Make great memories because I'm looking forward to experiencing them someday myself.
Through my joining of the American Legion Riders, I've made many new friends, including a very special man who is much more than a friend to me now. My best friend is still my best friend, and nobody will ever replace her. The joy I feel each day at being free of what I once endured has made me a happier person and a person that others like to be around, so I've gained friends simply because I'm happy.
Be willing to love again, but be wise about it as well.
I think I've been wise. I had lost my belief in love during those last years of my marriage, but now I see the beauty of it again, and I believe in its power. It has done wonders for me.
Just know, my future divorced self, that I am here for you, and wherever you go, I will follow. I'm trusting you to lead the way and to make me proud. I can't wait to join you in the world of divorcees.
I'm soooooo glad you finally made that difficult choice and went through with it, even though I know it was hard at the time. I can assure you that you made it through the ordeal a happier, stronger, smarter, and even prettier woman. Thank you so much for getting divorced.
Sincerely and with love,
Tammy
