Hot, hot, hot!

Damn, it's been hot lately! I'd like to tell Mother Nature to "Shtick This!" but in a not so nice way. However, I'm not exactly sure where to tell Mother Nature to put it. Does she have an ass? Doubtful.

We all know that Mother Nature is a fickle bitch, but enough with the heat already! She has other tricks up her sleeve, so why not throw us a thunderstorm or a cold spell for a change. This constant heat is not even creative on her part. Yawn. Come on, woman, it's time for a change.

We all know this drought is going to drive up the cost of our food for the foreseeable future along with other complications it's bringing us. However, I'm more annoyed with how it's affecting my ability to get outside and actually enjoy my summer.

As a teacher, I value my summers because the rest of my years are so jammed full of activities and responsibilities that I never have a spare moment to do something fun for me. Here I am with a couple months free, and I have to spend most of one stuck in my house to keep cool.

I can't stand being cooped up long, though, so I inevitably end up outside at some point each day, but lately it's mostly just been to move my sprinklers in a pitiful attempt to save my lawn -- there are parts, now, that are beyond salvation I fear. I can't walk my dog at all some days because it doesn't get cool enough for him to walk very far until it's already dark, and the swimming pool during the afternoon when it's over 100 degrees isn't even refreshing because the water is actually too warm, and the cement surrounding the pool is too hot.

Everything is suffering in this heat -- the plants, the animals and the people -- so I say we all join in a revolt against Mother Nature and demand that she bring us a reprieve of some rain and a cool snap. Who among us has any pull with the woman? I don't -- not after I mocked her pathetic attempt at a winter this past year and then ridiculed her for not bringing any snow for a snow day out of school. Sorry, M. N. If this here is about my snarkiness, then please forgive me and bring us some rain. (But if it really is, then get over yourself, woman. Geez. Can you say "petty?" . . . Oops, sorry, I'm doing it again.)

I guess, for now, all we can do is grab a fan, a cold beer, and strap on our shortest shorts and our tank tops because I hear that there's no chance of rain for a long time yet. So, until the rain comes and the days cool off, I invite Mother Nature to literally stick this up whatever orifice she has!