Renovations

Renovation --

Meaning number one: "to restore to good condition; make new or as if new again; repair."

These are the types of renovations I'm attempting to do in my house ever since my divorce. Slowly and steadily I've been repainting all the rooms -- painting them colors I actually like, colors that are beautiful and not boring, colors that make me happy, colors that reflect the new me. I'd like to do a lot more than just repaint, but for now that's all I can afford.

I did also complete half of the bottom of my driveway with the help of my father. The other half still needs to be done, but getting half of it finished was a step in the right direction after seventeen years of remaining unfinished. My dad and my son also did a bunch of much needed dirt work around the foundation of the house to prevent rainwater from seeping (and sometimes surging) into the basement. This is what it had needed for years, but the ex preferred the method of just blaming me for water getting into the basement over actually attempting to do anything to stop it.

I've patched a few holes, and every hole I've patched has been a metaphorical reminder for me of the second meaning of renovation, which I'll get to soon.

Dad and my son also finally removed the extremely ugly and useless (since I never used it, not because it doesn't work) black wood-burning stove that my ex insisted we install when we built the house even though he never used it. It was just an ugly reminder of an ugly human being, and the day they carted it out of my kitchen was one of the happiest days of this summer for me so far. I still need to have the chimney removed and the hole in the roof patched, but that will come with time and money like all the other renovations I am still planning.

The point is that I'm actually working to improve my house. I certainly could have done some of these things while I was still married instead of just living with the problems; however, just as I'm doing now, every single renovation would have been paid for by me and undertaken by me (and my dad most likely) with absolutely no help whatsoever from the ex. In fact, I would then have had to listen to his grumbling and complaining about my choice of paint color for the walls or how bringing the truck onto the lawn to move dirt around ruined a patch of the grass, etc. I would have had to listen to this constant bitching from a person who wouldn't have lifted even a finger to help do any of the work and who certainly wouldn't have contributed even one dime to pay for any of the work. So, I just tolerated the problems as they began creeping up. Now, however, he is out of my house and out of my life, so I can do whatever I damn well please when it comes to renovating things around here -- of course, the lack of funds does put a damper on all that I'd like to do, but I'll just be like the tortoise and keep plodding along slowly and steadily until I have things the way I'd like them someday.



Meaning number two: "to reinvigorate; refresh; revive."

I'm renovating myself. Just like the home renovations, it's a slow, yet steady, process.

I told myself that 2014 would be the Year of Me. I want this year to be one of revival for myself. So far, it's been exactly that.

I'm writing more. This is something I never should have let myself stray away from. My first novel is being published on-line, and my column is running strong. I blog occasionally, but I know I need to do more. I'm starting to bill myself as a writer when people ask me what I do for a living. I used to just say, "I'm a teacher." Now I say, "I'm a writer and a teacher." By putting 'writer' first I usually get asked something like, "Oh, what do you write?" Then I tell them. I know I've gained a few new readers that way, and every new reader is a new reminder that I'm actually a writer. Teaching pays the bills (for now), but writing brings me joy.

I'm reading more, and I'm pretty sure I'll make my 50 book goal for the year. I'd love to surpass that, but I'll settle for 50 books in 2014.

I'm riding my motorcycle quite a bit. Joining the Legion Riders has brought me all sorts of opportunities for great rides, and I've met a bunch of new people who I can share my love of riding with. I don't want or like to ride alone, so this group allows me to ride more confidently because I feel safe with them, and it allows me to ride for a purpose beyond my own enjoyment.

I'm walking a lot. My dog and I have reached 60 miles in both May and June, and those miles have done our bodies good. In addition, walking is my meditation and my therapy. It clears my mind when I allow myself to feel down (as I still do from time to time), and it frees my writing Muse when she is feeling stubborn and keeping her ideas at bay. Walking has strengthened my core, which also helps me to hold up a very heavy motorcycle when I stop, and it has even toned my chubby ass in a first-time-ever-noticeable-to-me way.

I'm sleeping well. This, mostly, comes from being happily divorced, but the more I sleep well, the better I sleep. I used to suffer from a lot of insomnia, but that's virtually disappeared now.

I know I still have a long ways to go before I'll really be satisfied with myself, but I'm a totally different person than I was a mere two and a half years ago. The first and most important step was getting rid of the ex. Once he was out of my house, at least, my entire life began to change for the better. Like my house, I'm aging and things are simply falling apart, and the best I can do at times is just to slap a patch over something and call it good. However, like my house, there are areas in which I can totally renovate something and make it even better than it was when it was brand new. Those are the areas in which I plan to expend the most energy. Basically, the happier I am with me, the happier I can make those around me.

What's next for the house? Hopefully new carpeting and linoleum, new porch railing, finishing the driveway, getting rid of the chimney and patching the roof, and the list goes on and on.

What's next for me? Hopefully some traveling; lots more riding, writing, reading and walking; new friends; an actual publishing contract or two; and meaningful memory-making time with my kids. And the list goes on and on.