Winter, Shtick This!

Dear Winter,

Go away! If that isn't clear enough, then let me add these -- Scram! Skedaddle! Shoo! Amscray! Leave! And get your white filth off of my lawn!

While you might be a welcome sight at Christmastime and even in mid-November when you haven't been around for awhile, here, in mid-April, you are no longer wanted. So, stop playing the bully and quit pushing Spring around. It's her time to shine.

I want to feel her lovely breath upon my cheeks as I walk my dog. I don't want your frigid gusts keeping me indoors any longer. I want to hear the birds chirping again like they were only days ago before you felt the need to rush back in for an encore -- nobody's clapping, Buster, so get off the stage.

The flowers are waiting to burst up from the ground, but they can't do that with an inch of solid ice preventing their progress. The leaves are about to spring forth from their branches, but you just might have killed some of them off in their infancy -- I hope you're happy, you homicidal maniac!

Seriously dude, nobody wants you here anymore. You've had your say for over six months, so if you haven't made your point by now, you're never going to -- so shut up! You can blow as hard as you want around my window frames and you can whistle through my gutters, I'm done listening to you. Blah, blah, blah is all I hear from you. Pack up your stuff and get off my property.

There are many people over the course of a day or a week or a month that I want to say "Shtick This!" to, but right now, Winter, you are numero uno on my shit list. Go away and don't let a tornado kick you in the ass as you go -- this is the Midwest after all.

You're like a spoiled little drama queen who has to have all the attention and just needs to step in and take all the fun away from anybody else who seems to be getting the love from others. Well, here's the hard truth from one Winter-hater -- Summer is the true queen while Spring and Autumn are the lovely princesses, and you're just the ugly step-sister. So, get over yourself and get out of my life!

Sincerely,

Your biggest hater.