Shtick This! Tam's Grammar 101

I write this as I, like so many others out there, am essentially stuck (or should I say shtuck -- ha ha) in my house avoiding contact with others as this nasty COVID-19 virus makes its way across the world. I should be at school teaching. One of the things I should be teaching is grammar. Yes, I'm one of that elusive breed of people who actually love grammar because I love language and hate to see it abused when it's avoidable. Most grammar gaffes are easily corrected if you're aware of the mistakes you're making and actually care enough to stop making them.

Ah, that is the quandary, now isn't it? One has to care before one will make the necessary changes to better oneself no matter the task at hand. So, if you don't care about whether you come across as the intelligent person I'm going to assume you are (after all, you're reading this, so I already have high hopes for you), then you won't care enough to do the work to stop making the following blunders (if you make them at all), and you will continue to abet the ignorant masses. If that is the case, please stop reading now and go about your business. I'm done wasting my time on you. You clearly don't care.

However, if you'd care to help me perpetuate the use of our language as it should be used and better your verbal and written skills a bit, then read ahead.

1. The misuse of "seen" (I'll get to that soon) used to be my number one grammar pet peeve. It has been replaced by two others, and it's a toss up as to which one I hate more, so I'll flip a coin. One moment. . . . . . . . . . All right, here we go. The winner is: Stop using COULD OF!!

The correct usage is COULD HAVE as in "I could have gone to work today if it weren't for this damn virus that is ruining things for everyone." People make this mistake because the combination "could've" sounds a lot like "could of" when you say it, but just because it sounds like it doesn't make it correct. The same applies to SHOULD HAVE, WOULD HAVE, MUST HAVE, OUGHT TO HAVE, etc. "I could've been a contender" not "I could of been a contender."

2. The loser of the coin toss from above was "it don't, she don't, he don't." I wrote an entire blog post about this in December of 2015. Clearly, the country music industry did not pay attention to it and neither did many other people, so I'll repeat the key information here for you.

Do you say HE DO LIVE THERE? Of course you don't! You say HE DOES LIVE THERE. Thus, if it happens to be the case that he, in fact, does not live there, you could say HE DOES NOT LIVE THERE, or you could form the contraction of DOES with NOT and create DOESN'T. The words DOES and NOT do not contract to form DON'T. THEY DON'T DO THAT!!! For all the naysayers out there who like to pooh pooh things and say "It don't matter," it does very much matter! If you must be a pooh-pooher of anything, at least have the decency to correctly say "It doesn't matter."

3. If you have an excessive amount of something, then the word to use is TOO and not TO. For example, I, and many of you out there, currently have TOO much free time on my hands. It's never "to much" of anything; it's ALWAYS "too much" of it. This applies to being TOO TIRED to work, TOO FAT to fit into your high school jeans, TOO APATHETIC to care about using correct grammar, TOO SHORT to go on the rides at Disneyland whenever it opens again, etc. Get the picture?

TO is only used in front of verbs and to indicate movement. I need TO BUY more food. I'll go TO the store. Allow me TO EXPLAIN these things TO you.

4. If you can't find your keys, you could say that you often LOSE them; however, you never ever LOOSE them. Loose = not tight, as in "I only wish my jeans were LOOSE on me." Lose = misplace or unable to win a game, or even in expressions like "I'm going to LOSE my mind soon."

And, for the love of all that is still good in the world, if you absolutely must call someone a LOSER on social media, then have the decency to spell the word correctly. That person is a LOSER, not a LOOSER. If you call someone a LOOSER, the only LOSER is you.

5. Here's one I've noticed a lot recently. Let me give you the example first, and you see if you notice the mistake. "Do to the corona virus, schools are being closed for the next few weeks." I'm hoping and praying that the error jumped out at you right away. Did it?

It's not DO TO! It's DUE TO! "Due to social media, many people are becoming more and more inept with their words, or maybe social media is simply a platform for them to show off their ineptness."

6. Now let's address the word SEEN. I believe that most people actually know how to use this word correctly but choose not to do so. Simple past tense of TO SEE is SAW. "I saw that." It's never "I seen that." Never, never, never, never, never, infinity. "I have seen that." "I had seen that." "I will have seen that." "He has seen that." "You must have seen that." "As seen in theaters, . . . " "The UFO was seen by two witnesses." There are many times when SEEN is correct, but simple past tense is NOT one of them. If you witnessed something interesting in the past, you SAW it.

7. THERE is "over there," the opposite of HERE, or it is used in the common expressions of THERE IS or THERE ARE. As Woody says, "There's a snake in my boot." As I say, "There are far too many people who use incorrect or sloppy grammar."

THEIR refers to something that belongs to THEM. "That's THEIR house." Whose house is it? THEIR house.

THEY'RE = THEY ARE. Period. End of story. They are my friends can become THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. It doesn't become THERE MY FRIENDS, or THEIR MY FRIENDS. They might not remain your friends if can't correctly claim them. THEY'RE MY FRIENDS. THEY ARE = THEY'RE. That's it.


If you stayed with me this long, congratulate yourself. If you learned anything, congratulate me. If you'd like to read any more grammar rants from me, let me know.

Once Upon a Time . . .

Once upon a time, there was a very unhappy queen who was married to a troll. She didn't know he was a troll when she married him; in fact, she believed him to be a handsome and sweet prince. Sadly, though, she was mistaken -- he was a troll who had been temporarily granted princely characteristics after selling his soul to an evil demon from the underworld so that he could win the heart of the beautiful, young queen and use her sweet nature and riches for his own selfish purposes.

After the queen unknowingly married the wicked little troll, his princely shine slowly started to wear off. She began to notice how his once deep and lovely voice was becoming whiny and needy and ugly. Then his muscular physique and broad shoulders slowly shifted to a slouched posture and a big, fat, hairy belly. His once beautiful eyes became hard and squinty like a lizard's. The sweet things he used to say to her became cruel and downright rude, and then the troll would laugh while the queen cried. All his golden promises became lumps of hardened coal that couldn't even bear enough heat to melt the block of ice that was his heart.

The queen wanted to do what was best for her kingdom and her subjects. She could see them suffering along with her, but for a while she kept refusing to believe what was right in front of her eyes because every now and then the ugly troll would gain a bit of golden shimmer from the evil demon. Then the queen would briefly see the nice prince she thought she'd married, and she'd hope for the best.

Alas, the best would never happen, though.

Instead, the horrible little troll would return; each time he'd be uglier and a bit larger until the truth became completely clear to the sad queen. Finally, she took a good long look at her unhappy subjects and her crumbling kingdom, and she knew she must do something to rid them all of the nasty troll.

One day, she went for a drive in her chariot to clear her head, and she saw a magical sign, and a voice spoke to her saying, "It's time, my dear." So, the queen straightened her crown, held her chin up high and went to see the kingdom's arbiter.

The arbiter was a creepy little man himself, but he'd been given the power to decide the rules of the land, so the queen did as he said even though she thought he was a great big dodo bird. She gave him a lot of gold coins to settle things for her, so she could make the troll leave her and her kingdom and its subjects forever.

Naturally, the troll didn't want to go because he had a very easy life living off the queen and all her money, but he also didn't love the queen; so once he knew that he was going to get a lot of money from her to leave, he left.

Then the most amazing things began to happen.

Immediately, the sky turned bright blue and the sun shone brighter. Birds that had been silent for years all started to sing again. Flowers burst into bloom. The queen looked around and marveled at the beautiful transformation of her kingdom. Then she looked in the mirror at herself, and she saw that her skin was glowing, and she was smiling -- really smiling -- for the first time in years. The queen laughed in delight, and she danced from room to room in her castle.

Her subjects looked around in amazement, too. The bleak land they'd known for years was now full of light and joy. They laughed and sang songs to celebrate. Animals pranced alongside them and no longer ran away in fear.

The queen gazed out upon her loyal subjects and said, "I am so sorry that I allowed that evil troll to stay so long. I hope you can forgive me." The subjects rushed upon her and hugged and kissed her, and once again the sad and lonely queen felt loved.

And she lived happily ever after, and she continues to live happily ever after. Seven years and counting.

A Tribute to My Friend Amy -- Cancer, Shtick This! part 2

In June of 2017 I wrote a post on here saying that I'd like to punch cancer in the face if it had a face. Now, I'd like to do much worse than that because it claimed my best friend Amy recently, and I know far too many other people who are either battling the disease right now or who have lost that battle. Amy died on September 7th, and I was given the honor of giving her eulogy at her vigil service this month. I almost turned down that honor because I didn't think I would be able to do it without full out bawling, but I couldn't let Amy leave without a proper good-bye, and, surprisingly, I made it through with only a few pauses to collect myself and just a few tears -- the same could not be said for the congregation.

I want to share that eulogy, along with things I ad-libbed while giving it, as a way to memorialize Amy and to allow those in attendance at that service, and those who were unable to attend, to read what I said and share a laugh and some tears in fond memory of Amy Marie (Vojtech) Beran.

First of all, this lovely photo of her that was used for her obituary (which I'll paste to the very end of this post) and on the programs at the vigil service and the funeral:

Isn't she beautiful? The thing about Amy is that her beauty radiated out from her very soul. She was a truly beautiful person. I honestly cannot say that about too many people. Sorry, but I just can't. Amy was a rare exception, and I was so lucky to have her for a friend.

Now, for my eulogy. I'm going to italicize things I added as I spoke and other things that happened-- at least to the best of my memory.

Amy’s Eulogy

First of all, a warning -- there will be tears. Bear with me.

If you can see this, I’ve brought with me a photo of Amy and me taken on February 24, 1987, a few months after she and I first met and became lifelong friends. I’ve kept this particular photo in this frame in a place of honor in my home ever since because it epitomizes Amy’s and my friendship. (If you're laughing at the photo frame, you're not alone because the whole congregation got a chuckle out of this antiquated thing.)

Amy was the yang to my yin, the light to my dark. We completed each other as far as friendships go, but it was largely due to our great differences along with a few strong similarities that forged us into a complete circle of her lightness and my darkness for you cannot have one without the other. If you look at this photo, and you are certainly welcome to see it later (or view it on the poster her sister made), you will see that even then, back when she and I were a mere 18 years old, she was the one full of light and positivity while I was the one with the dark side. She’s even wearing white sunglasses while I’m sporting black ones. Her clothing is lighter in shade than mine, and she’s demurely covering everything while I’m flaunting a bare shoulder. In her eyes glimmer that warmth that was so characteristic of everything Amy, and in my eyes, well, there’s a noticeable amount of mischief coming through.Sweetness and light (I gestured to Amy in her casket), sarcasm and a dark side (I gestured to myself).

Why she ever wanted to be my friend is beyond me, but I thank God she did because she made the past 32 years of my life so much richer than they would have been without her. I’m pretty sure I speak for everyone here when I say that we are better people for having known her.

(Three of the photos on the right side of this poster have me in them -- the very top one, the bottom one, and the third one down, which is the one I mention above in the eulogy -- and seeing them on this poster nearly brought me to my knees with grief and surprise. How fitting that they each are featured in my eulogy, yet her sister didn't even know what I was going to be saying when she made this poster.)

Amy was the most loyal and devoted person I’ve ever known. Whether to her family, her friends or her church, Amy could always, always, be counted on to be there. And even when I knew she had better things to do, she always made time for my visits and never made me feel like I was ever a burden to her. One time when she still lived here in Omaha, I was at the airport with my young daughter awaiting our flight to New York where we were to connect for a flight to Italy. The stupid airline cancelled our flight and got us on a different one in the morning, so I called Amy, and she dropped everything to come get us. We stayed at her house, and once again I kicked Nathan out of his Miami Dolphin-themed bedroom. Over the years, poor Nate gave up his room a lot for me.

My favorite things about Amy were her positivity and her laugh. It was a beautiful, warm, melodious laugh. I think she liked to be around me because I could always make her laugh, and she enjoyed laughing. I dabbled in stand-up comedy for a while, and Amy came to watch me a few times. One of those times was in Fremont, and I still remember that I could hear her laugh above the other people in attendance -- sometimes she was the only one laughing. . . She was a good friend. She always called me Tam, and I will really miss hearing her say "Hey, Tam." Very few people call me that. My name is Tammy, but those close to me call me Tam sometimes. Amy always did, and I really liked it. I’d like to believe that I was a good friend to her, as well.

Amy and I both got married the same summer. Hers lasted; mine didn’t, but my father still remembers her singing at my wedding and how she had "the voice of an angel." Yes, she did, and a few days ago I shared a couple of clips from my wedding video on my Facebook page, so others could hear her amazing voice. Zach listened to it and remarked that he'd never heard his mother sing like that before, so I'm glad I still had my wedding video for that reason alone. My brother, who was in high school at the time and quite inexperienced with the ladies, told me that he remembers dancing with Amy at my wedding dance, and he said, "I held her pretty close. I know I enjoyed it, but I don't know if she did." Sorry, Steve.

Amy and I became first time mothers only a few short months apart. We each have two children -- she, the two boys, and me a boy and a girl. Our children got to spend a lot of time together because I would visit her with them, or she and Steve and the boys would come to Neligh, where I live, to see us. Many of my fondest memories of Amy involve the four of them coming to Neligh for the 4th of July. It became our tradition, and I miss those days very much. There are people in Neligh who got to know her and Steve and the boys through their yearly 4th of July visits, and when they learned that Amy had passed away many of them expressed great sorrow at her loss. Even in Neligh, a town where she never lived or worked, Amy was known for her sweetness, and she is missed.

Amy really enjoyed being a Mary Kay consultant. This day, September 13th, is the anniversary of the day Mary Kay first started her business. I became a consultant myself many years ago to help out Amy. Amy never really needed my help, though, because her nature made her very successful with her business. She epitomized the optimism and positivism that are cornerstones of Mary Kay. I would hear her speaking to customers, and her warmth and energy always came through her voice and her face while she visited with them whether it was on the phone or in person. I never built up my business the way Amy did, but I will continue to do it because it is a daily reminder of Amy and her passion for the business and for helping others.

The last time I actually saw Amy was for her 50th birthday when her family arranged a surprise party for her here in Omaha. Ironically, today is my 50th birthday. While I very much would have loved to see her for it, this was not the way I had imagined it. However, there is nothing I would rather be doing than giving tribute to my dear friend, and Amy spent many other of my birthdays with me. One time we went book shopping, and I bought a big travel book. Amy loved to travel and she really cherished the trips she took with her boys and Steve, and then she would make great photo books to show people. She loved looking at the photos of my trips on Facebook or my blog, and I sent her photos of neat places I saw in New York and San Francisco to brighten her days when she was ill. Our love of new sights was something she and I shared, and we enjoyed showing each other photos of places we’d seen. On another birthday, we went to the Funny Bone because I like comedy. I remember that the comedian that evening picked on us mercilessly because we sat in the front row, but Amy took it all in stride, and she laughed and laughed. When Amy and I were new moms, I visited her and Steve and little Zach and Nate when they lived in Kansas, and we went to the Kansas City zoo on my birthday that year. She and I loved showing our little boys the different animals. She loved being a mom so very, very much. So, while I initially hated the idea that I’d be saying good-bye to my dear friend on my birthday, I’ve come to realize that I have so many great memories with her on this date -- maybe this was her way to spend one more with me.

There are so many things that will forever remind me of Amy and the things that mattered to her -- curly red hair, fair skin that just wouldn’t tan no matter how much she wanted it to and I remember a time that Steve and Amy went horseback riding with me, and poor Amy's hands got so sunburned that they swelled up horribly afterward, homemade salsa and Mexican food, Bibles and daily devotionals, cross-stitching (which is a hobby she and I both loved), scrapbooks beautifully arranged (mine look nothing like hers), every time I go to UNL to visit my daughter who lives right across from the dorm where Amy and I lived, toilet-papered cars, mini-vans, beagles (how she loved Abby), precious moment figurines, fat planners stuffed with notes, trumpet players (she was so proud of Zach’s special gift), wheelchair basketball teams (she bragged about the red dawgs and wouldn’t have missed a game for anything), cyclists and hunters (how lucky was Amy to land a guy like Steve when they were both in junior high! Or perhaps it was the other way around), football coaches (my son is carrying on that proud tradition for you, Joe), mall walkers (remember when Amy and I happened upon you, Mignon, at Oakview? I think I actually said this instead -- Amy and I were in Oakview shopping one day, and suddenly Amy said, "There's my mom!" And it was.), the game show ninja warrior which Amy fixated on during my stay with her a few months after she was diagnosed and now I find myself stopping to watch it for a few minutes if I see it as I'm scrolling through the guide where before I'd never watched the show, this ring I wear every day because Amy was with me when my boyfriend bought it for me in a mall that she took us to in Dallas two years ago and it was such a perfect ring because it was unique and it's full of sapphires, my birth stone (it’s become my Amy ring), Christmas cookies, and of course every 4th of July and every September 13th along with many many more things. Believe me, I could go on and on, but let’s just say that not a day will go by where there won’t be something good that reminds me of her.

Amy and I met at the start of our freshman year at UNL because we lived on Sandoz 3, and we both ended up in the same Spanish class together; I now teach Spanish -- another reminder of Amy.  We bonded while walking to class and doing some of the homework together. There were a lot of girls who lived on Sandoz 3, but I’ve only stayed in touch, sporadically, with two others, so the fact that Amy and I remained friends all these years shows that we really were a yin and yang duo. Our differences would have driven most people apart over time. Instead, those differences along with important similarities we shared solidified our friendship and made us better friends as time went on.

Amy made this little pillow door hanger for me a long long time ago, and it has been hanging in various spots in my home ever since. It says “friends forever.” I think that says it all.

(a tribute to my best friend)

With love,

Tammy Marshall

September 13, 2018

I'll miss you for the rest of my life, dear friend. This photo was taken the summer of 2016 before Amy's world (and the world of all of us who loved her) got turned upside down.

Amy Marie (Vojtech) Beran

March 26, 1968 – September 7, 2018

After a courageous 18-month battle with cancer, Amy M. Beran (50 years old), passed away on September 7, 2018 at her home in Sachse, Texas surrounded by her loving family.

Amy was born on March 26, 1968 in Fremont, NE to Joe and Mignon (Kammerer) Vojtech.  She grew up in Fremont and had the privilege of attending Archbishop Bergan High School where she graduated in 1986.  While there she had the joy of going to school with her sister, Tanya, having her father as a teacher, playing the flute in the band, being on the drill team, singing in swing choir, and watching her father coach her future husband in football.

Amy attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln where she graduated in 1990 with a degree in Speech Communications with a minor in Business.  She later worked in Human Resource positions, being a caregiver through home healthcare, and enjoyed her long-time role as a Mary Kay Cosmetics Consultant.

Amy married her high school sweetheart, Steve Beran, on June 9, 1990.  After college graduation they started their lives together in Lenexa, Kansas where their family grew with the births of their two sons, Zach in 1994, and Nathan in 1995.  They were fortunate to eventually move back home to Nebraska in 1997 where she enjoyed being active in her church St. Vincent De Paul Parish as a cantor and other volunteer activities.  Steve and Amy moved to Sachse, Texas in 2014.

Being active in her boys’ lives was very important to Amy.  She was an active volunteer at school activities and functions and was President of the Skutt Band Booster Club.   Amy was a volunteer for MDA, Special Olympics, St. Vincent DePaul Society, and Salvation Army.  She enjoyed participating in her Beta Sigma Phi Sorority in both Nebraska and Texas.  She also loved participating and leading Bible Study groups in Nebraska and Texas.

Survivors include husband,Steve Beran of Sachse, TX; sons, Zach Beran of Columbia, MO and Nathan Beran of Omaha, NE; parents, Joe and Mignon Vojtech of Omaha; sister, Tanya Hoham of Lincoln, NE.

Amy was a beloved aunt to her two nieces (Taryn Hoham and Savanna Beran) and her five nephews: Tyler Hoham, Lincoln and Creighton Small, and Jack and Noah Beran.   She was dearly loved by all of her aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and extended family.

The family will receive friends on Thursday, Sept. 13th from 5pm to 7pm at the West Center Chapel, followed by VIGIL SERVICE at 7pm.  MASS OF CHRISTIAN BURIAL: Friday, Sept. 14th at 10:30am at St. Vincent de Paul Catholic Church, 14330 Eagle Run Drive.  Celebrants will be Rev. Dan Kampschneider and Amy’s cousin, Rev. Nathan Hall.  Interment: Memorial Cemetery in Fremont, NE following Mass.  Memorials may be directed to Amy’s favorite charities, the Muscular Dystrophy Association and the Skutt High School Band Department.

A Recent Shock. Shtick This!, Mr. ___________

For a few years I've been working on and off on what I'm calling a smart-ass advice book for first-year teachers. I don't necessarily plan to publish it (if I ever do) until after I retire in a few years because I plan to include some things that may piss off a few people. Let's face it -- not everyone likes a smart ass. Heck, even I don't like them sometimes, but I think that far too many teachers enter the profession with these rose-colored glasses on, and they really need someone to simply tell it like it is, so that way they can know that the long-run is worth the daily, often seemingly insurmountable, struggles.

Anyway, the only reason I'm telling you this is that I recently suffered a huge shock when I attended a high school basketball game. The coach of the opposing team was one of my high school teachers. In fact, he was THE ONLY TEACHER I EVER HATED, and I couldn't believe that he was still having an impact on young people over 30 years later! I was really angry about it in fact. Now, I'm not going to name him, and I'm going to pray that he is nothing like he was when I had to tolerate him as a history teacher, but I am going to share the excerpt from my book-in-progress where I give an example of how NOT to be for first-year teachers. Realize that I wrote this about a year ago, and remember that it's a work-in-progress.

Here it is with the specific part about him bolded:

Use whatever metaphor you want for the teaching profession, but I like to see students as the adult people we are helping them to become. It’s like an assembly line where they come to us these little partly formed packages, and it’s our jobs to put on a whole bunch of extra pieces to prepare them for life after school, and if just one of us screws it up, we’ve screwed it up for everyone.

Seriously, if a kid is an ass in our classroom, and we don’t do everything we can to help him not to be an ass, then he’ll be an ass the rest of his life and put a lot of other people through the agony of having to deal with him. True; we cannot fix everyone, especially when the damage is done at home, but we can do whatever we can while that kid is in our room, and we can show him that not everyone is an ass, so don’t be one yourself.

I had a high school history teacher who took my very serious question of “Why aren’t there any women in our history book?” and answered it with this little gem – “Because women have never done anything important.” I remember sitting there dumbfounded as he and quite a few of the guys laughed at what he thought was a funny reply to my sincere question. Now, imagine I hadn’t been the kind of person I am – a take-no-prisoners and put-up-with-zero-bullshit sort of gal – and instead I’d been beat down my whole life by men in my life or I simply suffered from low self-esteem. Any idea what kind of damage his answer would have done to me?

Instead, it just really, really, really pissed me off, and I guarantee that I didn’t care one little bit about anything that ever came out of that man’s mouth after that. I’ve had countless teachers over the years who have said countless things in class, but it’s that one truly asinine and thoughtless comment that I can still hear plain as day in my head, and it still pisses me off.

Clearly, that teacher was an idiot, and I’m hoping that you are not an idiot, but even the best of us say idiotic things from time to time, and if you happen to notice (as you should) that something you said, whether in jest or not, has had an obvious negative impact on your student, then you need to take steps immediately to remedy that. It seriously could be a simple misunderstanding, and that can easily be remedied. You and your student may not have the same sense of humor, and that’s fine, but if your “joke” crossed the lines of sexism, racism, religions, or anything else that was clearly in bad taste on your part, then you need to fix it immediately and refrain from those kinds of jokes in the future.

Even if what you say or do doesn’t have long-term ramifications, it could have short-term ones. If you are purposely mean or rude to a student, he’s going to leave your room in a foul mood, and he’s going to take that mood with him to the next class where he’s likely to act out or spout off rude comments about you, which could then land him in a detention or cause a serious disruption in the other teacher’s class. Believe me, teachers notice when other teachers are the problem. I’ve had numerous occasions where students have come to my class after certain, usually inexperienced, teachers’ classes over and over again in really bad moods, and often for quite justifiable reasons. Don’t be the teacher who is making other teachers’ jobs more problematic; you need them on your side. So, do your best to send the students out of your classroom in a decent mood. They don’t have to leave glowingly happy by all means, but they need to leave on a positive note.

People are our product, and we want them leaving us in the best condition possible. Either they are moving down the line to more advanced classes where the teachers will be adding more pieces to them, or they are walking out the door upon graduation, and where they go from there is up to them. If you’ve done your job to the best of your ability, they’ll be moving on in good working order, so do your damn job.

I sincerely hope that this man has changed. From what I observed of him as he coached, though, I'm not going to hold my breath. At least, considering how old he has to be by now, he won't be influencing young people too much longer if he hasn't changed for the better. 

Fortunately, while I had a few teachers who bored me, this man was the only teacher who I can say I truly despised. All my other teachers were good in one way or another. I know, as a teacher, that we can't please every student every day, but I also know that we don't have to intentionally be mean. He was intentionally mean to me that day and others after it (and he completely believed the idiotic thing he said). I've never forgotten it, so seeing him recently was just too big of a shock not to share.

Shtick This! Last Half of 2017 -- You Sucked.

I haven't written a post here for six months now because I've been angry, busy, sad, bewildered and grief-stricken. I'll begin, though, on a positive note with an update concerning my friend, Amy, who was diagnosed with cancer in May. 


She's essentially cancer-free, and another reason I didn't do any writing here is because I decided to focus my attention on sending her words of wisdom, inspiration and comfort as she fought her battle against the evil fiend we call cancer. I wasn’t about to let her give up or ever feel like she was alone in the fight. I turned to words of wisdom and inspiration from famous people throughout history, and I sent her a daily letter with a saying on one side and my take on it in relation to her battle on the other side. I totally believe in the power of words, so I sought out the most pertinent and powerful sentences from philosophers, religious leaders, authors, musicians, politicians and many more types of people. In all, my friend said I sent her ninety-one of these letters. She told me this when she told me she was cancer-free, and she told me I could take a break from sending her those letters. They were probably the most important things I’ve ever written to-date, and I’d like to think they played a small part in her recovery. She still has a ways to go before she's back to how she was before cancer invaded her life, but she's getting there, and I'm so thankful for that.


If only I could say the same for another great person I know, though. Her husband has lost his battle with the same kind of cancer as Amy had. I've watched how his suffering has worn away at her, and I'm so angry about this. I also feel a little responsible because I turned the focus of my attention and energy on my one friend and not enough of it went to my other friend and her husband. Why didn't I send him inspirational messages every day as well? I don't really know, and the reasons I can think of sound more like excuses. Now, however, I am determined to help his wife, my dear friend, recover and find the strength she needs to move forward. 

Another friend lost her first and only grandchild mere days before he was due to be born. Who can explain such a thing? A totally healthy baby simply dies suddenly while still safely ensconced in his mother's womb because something goes wrong. This happened years ago to my cousin, too, and she still grieves for her little boy. I'm sure my friend and her daughter will forever grieve the loss of their precious grandson and son. It's wrong on so many levels, too, that a perfectly healthy baby -- who could actually survive outside of the womb at that point -- just suddenly dies, and the parents and grandparents are left to suffer the sorrow of his loss forever. There is no explaining it, and there is no getting over it.

The biggest tragedy to hit home with me in the last few months of 2017 was the loss of a former student. I've taught for over a quarter of a century now, so I've lost my share of students, unfortunately, but they've been to things like car accidents, cancer and even suicide. This one was to murder, or so it seems, and it's definitely the first murder of a former student I've ever had to deal with, and I hope I never have to go through anything like it again. It's the mystery and the tragedy surrounding her death, though, that have been the hardest to deal with, and since I work with her parents and I taught her siblings as well, it's been so hard to know how to behave and what to say when I see them. There is no getting around the fact that her death was especially tragic. It has hit the entire community very hard, and I imagine we will be reeling from it for a long  time to come. Even when (or if) the true details of her death actually come out, they won't change the fact that she is gone and that she was taken from her family in a horribly tragic way. 

I know I'm not alone in thinking that 2017 was an especially sad year because I've seen many comments on social media saying things to that effect. Personally, though, it was a year of a few really great things in my life -- my daughter graduated high school at the top of her class and started college where she has excelled, my son got his first teaching job at a great school where he also landed a head coaching position that he's handling really well, my kids and I along with my boyfriend went on a wonderful vacation to Washington D.C. and New York City this past summer, my best friend and her daughter were able to spend a few months with us, I've managed to write a lot more on some of the longer pieces I'm working on, and I got a new car. (Here is a photo of me with my new car because sometimes we have to celebrate the little good things in life so that the big bad things don't destroy us.)

On the flip side, though, I've had to watch a lot of people I care about go through some really horrible things, and I am praying that 2018 will be kinder to everybody out there. So, as the last few days of 2017 go by, please join me in telling 2017 to Shtick This! and also join me in reaching out to anyone negatively impacted by something sorrowful in 2017 to give them a much-needed hug and a few words of encouragement that 2018 will be better. 

Vacate the Premises, Cancer! Shtick it!!

Vacation -- 2. An act or instance of vacating

Vacate -- 2. To give up possession or occupancy of

Until recently, I thought of a vacation as a pleasant period of rest away from the stress of work, household chores, bill paying, etc. Now, though, I have come to look upon the word vacation as the noun dealing with vacating something, and there is one specific thing that I wish would take a long vacation and never return.

Nope, I’m not talking about my ex even though I would really love it if he took a long walk off a short pier. No, I want the cancer that has invaded so many people near and dear to me to take a permanent vacation from their bodies. Mary’s husband, Tim. Nate, the best band teacher in the world. Zoe, a good friend of a good friend. So many others I don't personally know who are too numerous and who are suffering.

But the need for this vacation has hit me hardest since May when one of my very best friends (we met freshman year at UNL) learned after months and months of doctor visits that she has stage four lung cancer which has now spread throughout her body. This is a 49 year old woman who has never smoked a day in her life, never put any sort of illegal substance into her body, and never done a mean thing to anyone ever. Why she chose to have me for a best friend these past thirty years is beyond my comprehension because she truly is the best and sweetest and most compassionate and most generous person I’ve ever met. And while nobody, NOBODY, deserves cancer, she doesn’t even deserve a hangnail as far as I’m concerned.

To say that I’m pissed is an understatement. Devastated? Doesn’t even come close to how I feel. Useless and inept? Definitely.

Since I'm powerless to really do anything to help her, I am planning to go to Dallas to care for her at least. That will be a vacation for me; not the kind I’d usually like to take in late July when I normally go to Mexico to lie on a beach with a book, but instead one where I will do anything and everything to help her have a vacation from her disease. Anything to vacate her mind of worry and her body of pain. Anything to make the cancer take a vacation.

Until then I will continue to hope that a miracle will find its way to her, that the cancer will take a permanent vacation -- or at least go into remission for a few years -- and that she will take solace from my friendship.

I humbly ask for your prayers as she is a devout Catholic; I am not religious, but I’ve been doing my own type of praying. Please ask whoever you talk to to help make the cancer in Amy Beran take a long, long (preferably permanent) vacation. I do believe in the power of words -- they are all I really have to offer from here. Thank you.

Tammy Marshall June 2017

Dear Mr. President,

I wrote the following for my writers' group. They enjoyed it, and I thought it would be a fitting post for this blog because it's mostly written from my sarcastic, sick-of-bullshit, side; however, there is also a lot of sincerity within it. Agree with me, don't agree with me. I really don't care. That, there, is actually the beauty of free expression as so many people want to harp about these days while then turning around and trying to tell others that if you don't agree with them, your freedom of expression should be quashed. I call B.S. Like I said, agree with me, disagree with me -- I truly do not care. This is my blog, these are my opinions, this is a place for my freedom of expression. 

Dear Mr. President,

        I still remember the day you threw your hat into the ring – how I laughed and laughed in disbelief and certainty that you’d be the first person kicked out of the ring. Guess the joke is on me; or, as I prefer to think of it, on every American citizen.

        Oh well, Qué será, será as they say in Spanish. Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any interest in learning Spanish, I’m sure, since you’re intent on building a wall between us and the great people in the land to the south of us.

        I didn’t vote for you, but don’t worry, I didn’t vote for your main opponent either. I think you both are lacking the qualities that make for a decent human being, let alone any of those that make for a decent leader. I voted for the underdog because I like to root for underdogs. Personally, I thought Hillary would win, and I believe that if the country hadn’t gone downhill so badly over the months leading up to the election, she would have won; but the people in the heartland of this giant country are sick of so many things, and they are looking to blame someone for those things. Who do we look to blame when things go into the shitter? Our leaders. Since that leadership was coming from the Democratic camp, the Republicans rallied to say “enough is enough; time for a change.”

        I want to believe that despite your ignorant blustering, your idiotic racist and sexist commentary, your lack of political experience and your general petulant attitude toward everything that doesn’t go your way that you do, in fact, have our best interests as a country in mind. I want to believe that, and I’m willing to give you a chance even though I don’t like you.

        I ask that you don’t let us all down. I ask that you work to repair the horrible racial tensions that have erupted this past year or so; although I’m quite worried that you are simply going to shift them from black on white tension to brown on white instead. I ask that you support those who defend us on the home front and abroad. I ask that you play nice with other countries and not try to throw your weight around where it isn’t wanted. I ask that you make living affordable and get more people off the streets. I ask that you stop throwing out catch phrases and actually get something done. I ask that you represent this country in a way that makes us all look good.

        If you can do even one of these things, I will consider your Presidency a success and perhaps even vote for you in four years if you choose to run again. However, if you simply continue to bluster and carry on with idiotic tweets while doing nothing to further the good of Americans, then I will gladly join the millions four years from now to cast my vote elsewhere and hopefully be able to use your famous catch-phrase against you to tell you “You’re fired!”

        Time will tell. Use that time wisely, Mr. President. Use it wisely.

                                                                                                              Sincerely,

                                            A reluctant Republican