What I'm Thankful For!

As my favorite holiday approaches, and in light of recent personal events, I want to take a moment to compile a list of the things for which I'm eternally thankful. These are listed in no particular order.

1. That I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's. I'm so glad that I was a child before this age of cell phones and tablets and virtual reality. I'll take the actual reality, thank you very much.

2. That, when I watched television, there were only three channels from which to choose. It taught me to appreciate the simple fact that I had a TV to watch at all. I learned to patiently wait for whatever program I wanted to see to actually be on, and I learned to stick with something until it was finished instead of needing to flip ceaselessly through hundreds of channels trying to find something to watch while avoiding commercials.

3. That I developed a love of reading at an early age and continued to nurture it as I grew. Nothing satisfies the way a good book does. I'm never bored. I always have a great companion with me no matter where I go, and I've never stopped learning and expanding my horizons.

4. That I had, and still have, parents who instilled in me that right is right and wrong is wrong. Parents who simply expect their kids to do the right thing because it's the right thing no matter if it's what the kid wants to do are almost non-existent anymore it seems. I'm slowly -- oh, so slowly -- seeing a return to that way of thinking, but it's been a long time coming. If I had thrown myself on the ground and had a temper tantrum just because something didn't go my way at home or in public, my parents would have let me know, in no uncertain terms, that that wasn't acceptable. Now, the parents just cave to whatever idiotic demand their "precious" little baby wants because they seem to fear those tantrums more than the consequences of letting their baby grow into an adult who believes the world revolves around him. The "entitlement" craze has reached new levels of outlandishness, and I'm so damn tired of it.

5. That I grew up respecting my elders. Even though I'm pretty solidly one of those elders now, there are still a number of adults who are older than I am, and I extend to them the respect that is befitting of their experience and wisdom. Way too often now I witness young people sassing their elders, making fun of them, and simply ignoring them because, often to young people, the old people are seen as useless and even stupid because they are "out-of'the-loop." Any moment of disrespect to one of your elders is one moment too many in my opinion.

6. That I grew up appreciating the sacrifices of our military. My father served 20 years in the Air Force, so it was just a part of life for me to believe that the military was an important part of my world, but any American with even an ounce of common sense should be able to see that. I'm beyond tired of the people kneeling during the anthem, burning flags. protesting at the funerals of fallen servicemen and women, protesting about how they are mistreated, etc. We wouldn't have this country if people hadn't fought for it, we wouldn't have kept our freedom if people weren't willing to keep fighting for it, and a whole lot of other cultures owe a debt of gratitude to our military forces for stepping in when nobody else would. Are there flaws in our country and in our military even? Hell yes; because nobody and nothing is perfect. Deal with it. Put your damn hand over your damn heart, stand up, shut up, and show some respect. Consider yourself really fucking lucky to live in this country.

7. That I've learned and mastered a second language. Being able to converse and read and understand Spanish has opened parts of the world to me that otherwise would have been shut. I've gained the very best friend in the whole wide world, and if I hadn't learned Spanish and then taught it, I never would have met her at all . I can't even imagine my life without her in it, and I can't imagine a boring mono-lingual life either. I wish I knew more languages actually, so even more experiences would be open to me. Thankfully, I still have the capacity to learn more if I want, or should I say, when I can find the time to work that in. I do know a little Italian, and I would like to master that language next because Italy is such a fascinating country, and I want to have an extended stay there someday.

8. That I learned to ride a motorcycle at a young age. I've been able to take up riding in my middle age because I never forgot how to ride even though I was without a motorcycle for over twenty years. My Harley has taken me places I couldn't have imagined, and it led me to a great guy who also has a passion for riding motorcycles.

9. That I have two great kids. I never thought I'd be a good mom, but I know I am, and I've raised two fine kids. One is a role model for young people, and he's showing them to work hard for what they want instead of just sitting back waiting for it to be handed to you. The other is an aspiring scientist who is good to animals, the creatures who often need our help the most.

10. That I'm self-motivated. You don't have to coerce me into doing my work by promising me things. I'm never bored because I can always find something productive or meaningful to do -- remember that I always have a book on me or a word puzzle I can solve if I'm caught with idle time. I've written a novel that I self-published, and I've written a couple others that will be out in the near future, and I'm working on others. I convinced an editor to let me write a bi-monthly column. I turn lesson plans in on time every week. I clean my house even though I hate doing housework. I create flag routines, direct plays, find scripts for speech students, start and finish cross-stitch pieces, write blog posts that few people read simply because I'm motivated to write something every day, read numerous books throughout the year, paint rooms in my house, do yoga every morning, and many other things for the sake of self-improvement. I've always been that way -- well, perhaps my mom had to yell at me a little to get me to clean my room, but she never had to yell at me to do my homework, to study for tests, to go to work, to finish what I started, etc. If only more young people today were self-motivated the world would be a better place.

I'm thankful I'm me and not a bratty little kid who screams and carries on because he didn't get his way. I'm thankful I'm me and not a starving or homeless person living on the streets or in a war-torn and ravaged country. I'm thankful I'm me now and not me a few years ago when I was still married to a very horrible person. I'm thankful I'm me and not a person who cannot or who will not learn and read everyday. I'm thankful I'm me with a good family to support me and not a person who doesn't have a family at all. I'm thankful I'm me and not a person who refuses to open her mind to learning and using a second language. I'm thankful I'm me living in the heartland and not a person living in the inner-city amid gang fights and the like. I could go on and on because there is just so much to be thankful for. One final thing is that I'm thankful I get to spend another Thanksgiving with the people I love, and I only wish that a few more could join us.

To those who won't stop and consider all they have because they are too fixated upon what they don't have, I say "Shtick this!"

Why I Stopped Doing Stand-Up

For a number of years, I tried my hand at stand-up comedy. I appeared on stages in Lincoln, Columbus, Fremont, Neligh, Norfolk and Omaha, mostly as an unpaid amateur learning the ropes. 

I loved doing stand-up, especially when I got to be the emcee or hostess for a show as well. It was both the most terrifying and the most exhilarating thing I'd ever done. I had plans to continue learning the business in the hopes of taking it on the road someday.

Then things changed. I changed. My life changed. And I haven't done a minute of stand-up since.

People who know I once did stand-up will sometimes ask me if I'm ever going to do it again. I may, but I doubt it. If I do, it will be firmly in the realm of amateur with no aspirations to rise above that. Perhaps someday I'll stumble across a local watering hole holding an open mic night, and I'll hop on stage for old time's sake, or maybe I'll get an opportunity to host some event and throw some humor into the mix. Who knows? For now, though, I'm not planning on doing any stand-up.

When those who have seen me do comedy before ask me why I haven't done it for a while, I usually just shrug and say something about how I lack the time for it or that I don't feel like driving hours just to go on stage for five minutes or other such excuses. Until recently I didn't really understand why I'd suddenly lost the drive to do comedy, and then one day it hit me like a load of bricks.

    I'm not married anymore.

That's the real reason. Because I'm not married, I'm no longer angry and looking for outlets where I can express that anger in socially accepted and psychologically beneficial ways. I no longer need to tell others, in only slightly veiled and humorously twisted ways, about the misery of marriage. O.K., the misery of MY marriage.

At the time, though, you wouldn't have been able to convince me that anyone could be both happy and married. You wouldn't have been able to make me believe that love wasn't the gateway to eternal misery.

Instead, I spent numerous evenings with other bitter and angry people who used comedy also as an outlet to vent their frustrations about society, politics, sports, relationships, etc. upon often raucously drunken crowds of people who would laugh at about anything short of an actual punch in the face. While there are many happy-go-lucky people who do stand-up, most harbor some level of cynicism about something, and those are the things they choose to poke fun at.

I made fun of teaching because I am a teacher, so making jokes about it was a way to deal with my daily frustrations in that field. I made fun of parenting because I am a mother, but most of what I said concerning that topic dealt with amusing things my kids did -- no cynicism or anger involved there.

I made fun of marriage because I was married, and I hated it. Mostly, I hated the person I had married and the person I'd become as a result of our bad marriage.

I recall doing stand-up in a bar one night on my birthday and telling the crowd that it was my birthday and that my gift to myself was being there doing stand-up for them. A few people after the show approached me to ask me if it really was my birthday, and they couldn't believe that I'd rather be there with them, a bunch of strangers, than home with my own husband. In retrospect, it really was a horrible birthday gift to myself, but at the time, it was one of my best birthdays because I was away from the one who made me miserable.

Four years ago, though, I filed for divorce, and he moved out, and in a matter of seconds (I am not exaggerating in the least here), my life of complete and total cynicism melted away. Oh, I'm still a cynic about many things, but not to the level I had been. I was wallowing and drowning in cynicism, unable to see how life could ever be worth smiling about, so I'd put myself on a stage and get people to laugh with me and at me in a feeble attempt to put some humor in my life.

You could say that for a while stand-up was like a drug for me. It gave me a temporary high in a life full of low points. Don't be mistaken -- my kids brought me joy; without them, my life would have been completely hopeless. However, it was also because of them that I stayed with a man I hated for far too long in the misguided hope that somehow things would get better someday.

They did get better, but only when I removed him from my life. And it was an instantaneous improvement to my psyche and to every single aspect of my life.

I think initially I told myself that I was refraining from stand-up because it took too much work, and I was focused on the divorce, and then when that was finally over after more than a year, I told myself that I'd been away too long. I just kept finding excuses for not going back on stage until one day the truth of the matter hit me. I didn't need stand-up anymore.

I'd rather write, anyway. Things like my blogs, where I can interject humor amidst more serious subjects.

However, I have found myself thinking about stand-up again. Not because I want to bash love and marriage. No, I want to bash the sad state of our society and the jokes for candidates running for President and the violence that seems to be out of control everywhere. Those currently are the topics about which my inner cynic is most disgruntled, but I think there are enough stand-up comics tackling those very issues right now.

I'll wait a bit. The itch is there, but for now it's just an itch. Maybe I'll scratch it again someday, and maybe I won't. Whatever I do, though, I won't be making fun of divorce because it's the best damn decision I ever made, and these four years away from my shitty marriage have brought me nothing but joy.

Don't misuse "don't!" A letter to the Music Industry.

Dear Music Industry,


Stop miseducating people, especially our youth, with your blatant and conscious grammatical misuse of the word "don't." My ears are bleeding, my brain is reeling, and my nerves are grating from the constant abuse of what, for any person educated past the second grade, should be a very simple subject-verb agreement choice.

Perhaps I'm mistaken in my assumption that song writers and singers have been educated past the second grade. Allow me to "teach" you all the correct verb conjugation forms of the infinitive "to do."

Ready? Pay attention. It's pretty damn simple, but I've been known to assume that people are more intelligent than I should really give them credit for being.

Here goes:
                             infinitive: to do

                subject: I             verb form: do     example: I do care about grammar!
                subject: You        verb form: do    example: You do us an injustice with your lackadaisical approach to subject-verb agreement.
               subject: He, She, or It      verb form: does   (Oh, did you notice the change, or do I need to show it to you again?)        examples:  It does matter. . He does love me.   She does want to learn.
               subject: We        verb form: do       example: We do want to improve the world one word at a time.
              subject: They      verb form: do       example: They do, too.

Now, here's the tricky part -- when you make these sentences negative, you insert the word "not" after the form of "to do." Thus, you get "I do not care about grammar!" -- which isn't remotely true, by the way.

Here it gets even trickier -- you can then form a "contraction" of the form of "to do" and the word "not." How clever is that? Thus, we get the words "don't" and "doesn't."

Now, since it is only with the third person singular subjects (It, He, She or any single thing or person's name) where we use the word "does," I can see where somebody under the age of six could get confused. However, since I'll assume that toddlers are not the ones writing these offensive song lyrics, let's appreciate that adults are capable of great intelligence, so they can also easily remember that the verb changes to "does" when the subject is a third person singular entity.

I realize that some of the earlier offenders may have been playing around with their poetic licenses for the sake of rhyme or syllabification purposes, but enough is enough. I believe that far too many people now think that "it don't," "he don't," and "she don't"  are grammatically correct, and I think they've come to that conclusion through the overuse (the over-misuse) of these pairings in music lyrics.

You know the influence music and song lyrics have upon people. Of course you know this! That's why music and lyrics are a part of everything from our daily drives to work to the opening sequence of our favorite TV shows to our extensive wait time when put on hold while waiting to speak to a representative!

Yet, you choose to continually assail our ears with "it don't" and "he don't" and "she don't" when you know damn well that those should be "it doesn't" and "he doesn't" and "she doesn't."

Our nation's youth listen to a LOT of music. These same kids regularly say things like "It don't matter," "He don't know what he's talking about," and "She don't understand." Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!

I, as a teacher amidst these misguided young people, spend a good portion of every single day attempting to correct their usage. I'm often met with blank stares and comments such as "It don't matter." Yes! Yes, it does! See that? I said "it does," not "it do!"

When I turn their negatives into affirmatives and ask them if they'd say "It do matter," or "He do know . . . ," or "She do understand," they laugh at me like I'm an idiot because they know better than to say those things. Why do they know better? Can it be that the music industry actually knows to use the affirmative forms of "to do" correctly, so these students are not bombarded daily with misusages like they are with the negative third person singular of "to do?"

So, to those of you in the Country Music sector and the Pop Music arena and the Rap industry and every other part of the culture of music who are choosing to misrepresent our wonderful language to the extent that it is seeping into the daily language of Americans, I ask that you please, for the love of all that is sacred, stop the insanity!

And for those of you reading this who think you sound just fine saying "He don't appreciate me," or "She don't know where it is," you are dead wrong. You sound like a fucking idiot!

Sincerely,

Every fed-up conscientious English speaker in America

p.s. If you don't like what I wrote, you can "shtick this" where the sun doesn't shine!



               (Maybe that's because you DON'T know how to speak correctly!!!!)

Dear Idiot, . . .

                                                                                                                       Sept. 22, 2015
Dear Idiot,

First of all, if the title of this post caught your attention simply because it gave you a chuckle and made you wonder, then, by all means, read on. If, on the other hand, it caught your attention because you thought it was directed at you, then, by all means, read on as well because maybe you really are one of the idiots to whom I'm directing this letter.

I have some things to tell you that apparently you really need to hear.

1. It is NOT all about you. Surprised? I figured you must be since you piss and moan about every little thing that any other person does, and you even go so far as to pursue legal action against other people for daring to live their lives on their own terms. I don't give a rat's ass about what political party you join, who you screw, who (or what) you worship, the kind of car you drive, who your favorite team is, what beer you drink, your predilection for porn or any other thing that you idiotically believe the world should care about just because you care about it. Live your life, and let others live their lives. It's a very simple concept.

2. People are entitled to their opinions EVEN IF THEY DIFFER FROM YOURS! You don't need to resort to bashing them verbally online or via texts or even face-to face, and you certainly don't need to go so far as to attempt to physically hurt them just because they dared to think in ways that you can't fathom or accept. Last time I checked, despite the workings of some of our political idiots, this was still a free country, and with that freedom comes the freedom to think and believe whatever we want to think and believe. I don't care about sports. Repeat I, as in me, the person writing this, don't care about sports. That in no way means that you can't or shouldn't care about sports, so shut up and stop trying to convince me that I should. I'm not going to. End of story. I love to read. When I share that particular tidbit, don't go off on me about how boring it is and how you can't stand it and how it's the most worthless waste of time, blah, blah, blah, blah. blah. Maybe if you read more, you'd actually have an opinion I was interested in hearing. Until such a time, shut up, live your life, and let me live mine in peace.

3. If you can't take care of kids, THEN DON'T HAVE ANY!!!! Simple fucking concept. We live in a magical world that has this special power called birth control. Use it, or stop screwing. Seriously.

4. Put on some goddamn clothes when you go shopping. Or anywhere in public that isn't clearly marked either NUDISTS ONLY or IDIOTS WHO CAN'T DRESS THEMSELVES ONLY. I don't want to see cleavage to your nipples or the crack or your hairy ass, or, worse, the crack of your hairy vulva. You are disgusting. If you can't afford proper clothing, then you can't afford that stash of beer and cigarettes either, so put them back and go find a shirt and pants that actually fit you.

5. Drive with your eyes actually fixed on the road and your surroundings, or get the hell off the streets. Pay attention! I will report your ass if I see you texting and driving, drinking and driving, or even arguing with your spouse while driving.

6. Respect the flag, asshole.

7. Respect every single person who defends your rights and protects your well-being. This means the current soldiers, the former soldiers, and the future soldiers. This means the cops, the firefighters, the EMTs, the nurses, the doctors, the dispatchers, the detectives, etc. This even means the politicians whether you like them or not. If you can't respect these people for the great things they do, then don't ever call the cops when your home has been invaded, don't call the fire department when your home is on fire, don't go to the hospital when your arm is broken, and don't take advantage of any of the rights sets forth in our Bill of Rights or Constitution because you wouldn't fight for those things and you don't respect those who have.

8. Do your own work. Have some pride and dignity, and do the work yourself even if it's difficult. Learn this lesson at an early age. If so, then you'll become a productive member of our society instead of another mouth to feed in our overcrowded jails, another person living off the system because you never learned a skill, or another barfly drunk moaning about how the world owes him instead of the other way around.

9. Learn to spell and use basic grammar. If not, then stay off social media and online sites where you can publish your thoughts without the benefit of editors who actually know how to spell and use the language that you, clearly, do not. You're only embarrassing yourself, but you're so stupid you don't even know it. It's quite sad, actually.

10. Respect your parents. Even if you don't agree with their religion, political beliefs, sexuality, fashion sense, or marital status. If they've done everything they could to raise you right, then they deserve your everlasting dedication, love and respect. Without them, you wouldn't even be here to have the idiotic opinions that you so adamantly cling to and try to defend, so never ever ever ever be mean to a mother who has sat up all night with you while you were ill or a father who has attended all of your games even though you sat the bench for four years. If your parents beat you or emotionally abused you, then that's a different story, and they are the idiots who should be reading this post instead of you.

One final thought, and it's a biggie -- don't blame others for your own faults and mistakes. Own up to them, learn from them and move on.

Sincerely,

Those of us who are tired of all the bullshit.

To my/our haters one year later . . .

One year ago my life changed. I met a great guy. I wasn't looking for him; he wasn't looking for me -- we found each other nevertheless. This entire year with him has been wonderful.


Yet, there are those in our midst who have not been kind about our relationship. Why? Because when we met he was just beginning his divorce journey, a journey that I had completed long before we met, so apparently that gives these people the right in their minds to judge us and condemn our relationship.

I repeat -- he was beginning his divorce journey. This means that he was separated from his "wife," that he had long ago stopped loving her, that he was moving on with his life, and that he desperately desired to be happy. I could definitely relate. The day my ex moved out was the happiest day of my life.

What people who want to judge others don't seem to understand is that they aren't living those other people's lives, so they don't truly know what it's like to walk in their shoes, and until the day when they can know that (which is NEVER, by the way), then they do not have any right at all to judge those people and their ways of living.

Misery. That's what my life was while I was married to a horrible person. Outwardly, people wouldn't have known this; not completely at least. The day he left is the day I really started to live, and that is the same for my boyfriend. The day he left his ex, he finally started to live his life.

Yet, people still torment him, and through him, me. Why? I don't really know. I could speculate that their own lives aren't meaningful enough for them, so they have to look for ways to destroy others to try to build themselves up, but that would just be me speculating, now wouldn't it? Frankly, I don't care. I chose to leave selfishness, pettiness, meanness, jealousy, contempt, etc. behind me when I finally took the path toward being divorced, and I don't plan to go back.

I do, however, hate to see him sad due to those aspects coming from people on his side, so when he's sad, I'm sad . . . uh, no, actually, I'm pretty damn pissed that these certain "haters" just won't let things go.

However, I'm very happy with him, and he's very happy with me. I'm not the reason for his divorce in any way, shape or form. I wouldn't have given him the time of day if I'd even suspected that he wasn't over his ex and ready to get divorced. His story was too much like my own, so we had that connection at first that drew us together. We also share a love of riding motorcycles, which has strengthened that connection. I love his personality, his generosity, and his character.

The anxiety we both felt with our exes doesn't exist when we are together. We actually smile and laugh A LOT together, and that's something we had stopped doing years ago with the exes. The giant knot that I carried around for over ten years at the base of my neck while I was married has completely disappeared, and most of his stomach problems have been miraculously cured! Hmmm, coincidence? I think not.

I wish I could make these judgmental haters understand that they need to concentrate on themselves and their own problems, and leave us alone. The sooner they fix whatever is wrong in their own lives, the sooner they will be happy. It took both of us years and years to accept the fact that divorce was the only solution for our ails, so I imagine it will take a long time for our haters to solve whatever ails them as well, but I still wish they'd hurry up. The sooner they leave us alone, the better.

Here are photos of us from this past year. You will see that some involve us doing Legion Rider things or other motorcycle events together, but we also have had fun traveling around a bit, and we'll be adding many more trips together in the future because that is another realm that time with me has added to his life, and he is loving it. And I'm so glad to have a travel companion besides my daughter who will soon be graduating and leaving me behind. He and I are making plans!

 

  

          

So, for all our haters out there, we have just one final thing to say to you . . . .

I'm a Pro Procrastinator

Whoever invented the word procrastination was an evil genius. Dictionary.com tells me that the word is of "unknown origin." Of course it is because whoever created it felt the need to cower somewhere in shame at the horrible condition he'd unleashed upon us all. Since the term originated in the 1500's, though, this malady has long been plaguing mankind and is certainly here to stay.

I say that the coiner of this term was both evil and a genius because while I hate to procrastinate, I also love to do the very thing I hate to do. As a teacher, I epitomize the irony of my existence because on one hand I give out assignments and tasks that I want my students to complete on time, but on the other hand I continually put off my more onerous tasks until the very last minute and then privately chastise myself for being such a ninny. I tell myself to listen to my own advice to get my work done on time, and then that little smart-ass that resides inside of me flips me off and goes for a walk with the dog or checks out recent Facebook posts instead. It's maddening, I tell ya!

Procrastination sets in and takes a firm hold on my life as each school year draws to a close. The nearer that final school day comes, the more I find myself scrambling to complete all my work, so that I can actually leave and enjoy my summer. Perhaps it's because I am a teacher that I've become such a horrible (or terrific, depending on your outlook) procrastinator. Since I know there is a definite ending to my school year, I have an actual date up to which I can continue to procrastinate, and my subconscious knows this and convinces my smarter, but clearly not wiser, side to not worry about certain things until that final day. It says, "Chill, girl. You still have two and a half weeks. That's plenty of time to get it all done, and then just think, you get all summer after that to worry about the next school year." Then, of course you know what I do all summer, right? Yep. I just procrastinate worrying about the new year until the day before the new school year begins! Aargh!

It would be one thing if I only procrastinated at work, but NOOOOO, that's not how I roll. If you've read any of my earlier blog posts, you know that I procrastinated a full five years before I filed for divorce, and I'm still kicking myself for that one. I constantly procrastinate when it comes to dusting my house because I HATE TO DUST, so it's just easier to put it off -- easier, not cleaner, just easier. I even procrastinated writing a new blog post even though I love writing. What the hell is wrong with me?

I know some of you will be saying, "Damn, woman, cut yourself some slack. You are a busy mom, teacher, coach, writer, etc. Some procrastination is normal." This is true, so thank you for being so understanding, but then I come back to the same thing I tell my students -- we make time for what matters. Now, I'm the first to admit that dusting does not matter, not even the slightest bit, so I don't feel at all guilty for neglecting the dusting of my house, but my job matters and writing most definitely matters, so clearly I need to get my shit together a little better and stop procrastinating with things that are important.

Ultimately, my life goal has always been and continues to be becoming a professional writer not a professional procrastinator as I seem to have become instead. I can come up with excuses after excuses as to what has prevented me from becoming a professional writer by now just like I can come up with excuses for not dusting my house or grading that stack of papers, but in the end the only one who truly suffers is me (and all those potential readers I'm letting down!), and I've really been suffering a lot lately from the effects of this nasty addiction called procrastination.

So, I'm committed to kicking the habit. No more putting things off! My new motto is Do It Now! There, it's permanently written both in this post and in the dust of my dresser. So, procrastination, Shtick This!

Hosting Exchange Students

This is the time of year that families in the United States are eagerly viewing profiles of foreign students who are even more eagerly awaiting word overseas that they've been placed with a host family here for the coming school year. I'm currently hosting student number six, and in a matter of a couple months, we will be saying good-bye to him. I don't plan to host again (although I said that last year, and here I am hosting again, so you never know), but it has been a truly rewarding experience every single time, so I'd like to offer up some advice for anyone thinking about doing it.

1st: Choose wisely. Pay attention to everything they wrote and checked on their applications. If you are a strong Christian, then for the love of God, do NOT choose an atheist or a Buddhist. You will clash, and it is NOT your place or your job to convert the student you've chosen. If the student says that he is a vegetarian, then respect that, and if you are a hard core meat and potatoes family that seldom serves the green stuff, then look elsewhere for a student to host. If the girl says she has allergies, then she is not a good match for your five cat house, so it doesn't matter that she's the only German girl left and you really wanted a German girl; choose someone else!

2nd: Be sure that your own family members are on board with the decision to bring a stranger into your home. If even one of your own children or your own spouse/significant other is opposed to taking this step with you, then you are setting the whole thing up for failure. Also, you are unfairly bringing a kid who is excited about coming to the U.S. into a strained situation, and he's only going to resent you and your family for it -- after all, another family who was completely committed to hosting could have chosen him instead.

3rd: Make a place for him or her in your home. This student will be a FAMILY MEMBER and NOT a nine-month guest. She needs her own bed at the very least, and she needs space to put her personal things and where she can feel at home in her home-away-from-home.This means -- make a place for her in a bedroom (preferably one of her own), in the bathroom (clear a shelf or drawer), in the car, in your family room or rec room or wherever you congregate the most as a family, etc.

4th: Connect with him and his family before his arrival. When I hosted my first student in the 1997, this was difficult to do because it had to be done with an expensive long-distance phone call or via a letter that might reach the family after the student had arrived in the U.S.; however, nowadays, with all the types of social media and e-mail available, it is really easy to reach out and let the real parents know that their beloved child is going to be just fine with you even though he's thousands of miles from home for a full school year. Turn the tables -- if your own child were the one going overseas, you'd feel a lot more comfortable about it if you knew the parents there cared enough to let you know things about themselves. So, do the same for them.

5th: Figure out what rules and expectations you have for the student, and then explain those rules and enforce them. Don't have double standards for your own children and your exchange student. Remember, she is NOT a guest. If you expect your own son home at ten o'clock on a school night, then you will expect your exchange student home at the same time. The reverse is true, though, too. Don't give your own children special privileges that you deny to your student. That will breed resentment and will only lead to problems and more problems.Be realistic with your rules/expectations, and follow through on them. The student is a teenager after all, so it's in his nature to test you. Don't fail the test.

6th: Don't treat the kid as an indentured servant. He didn't come here to clean your house and car, cook your meals, or scoop your driveway. However, he should be expected to do a reasonable amount of those things. Reasonable. If your own child is sitting inside playing video games while the boy from India is outside mowing the lawn, then you have a problem. Or if you are sitting on your ass watching TV while your girl from Spain is mixing up her thirtieth paella for you and your drooling brood, then you are doing this hosting thing for the wrong reasons. By all means, have the kids help and occasionally treat you to a meal from their own country/culture, but their main reasons for being here are to get an education and to experience our culture and learn what they can from that. Don't add to the negative stereotype that exists out there about Americans being lazy, greedy, selfish and ignorant. Learn from your student while they are learning from you.

7th:  Be there for the student. In my own situation, I'm blessed in that I am a teacher at the school where my exchange students attend, and I've taught/coached them all in some capacity. School is these kids' lives. They make friends there, they take part in activities there, they eat one meal a day there and sometimes two, they grow immensely during their stay based upon the things they do at school more than the things they do with you and your family; so get involved and pay attention to what your student is doing at school. Attend his football games even if he only stands on the sidelines every game, go watch her in the school play even if she only says one line, cheer on the marching band as it goes by in every parade even if he just plays the cymbals twice during the entire song, etc. School is important to the student, so make it important to you -- if you cannot do that, then don't host. It's that simple.

8th: Understand that while nine months SEEMS like a long time, it will fly by, so appreciate all the moments you get to share with the student and treat her to a few little excursions whenever possible. She will be very busy at school, and those activities will suck up most of her time, so plan some trips to show her other aspects of your state or region that she will miss due to her crush of activities. You get to not only be her host parent, but you also get to be her teacher and guide, and it will your lessons that will make some of the biggest impressions upon her and shape her opinions and memories of the U.S.

These are basic and common sense pieces of hosting advice, but they've served me well, and I've honed them to points that work pretty darn well. I want to share one of the biggest perks of hosting that many people don't consider -- once the kids go back home, provided you had a positive experience with them during their stay, you now have friends in other countries who in turn can host you during a visit to those countries.

I've visited my students in Mexico, Spain and Italy. Every trip has been wonderful because these students and their parents have shown me the "real" countries just as I did for the students when they lived with me. I'm not interested in seeing the touristy places in foreign countries -- I want the true experience. I get that when I visit these real families who can take me to places where the locals go. My very first exchange student was only 10 years younger than me when I hosted her. Less than two years after her return to Mexico her parents were killed in a car crash. I had never met them, and that made me really sad, so I vowed to get to know the families of any other students I hosted, and I've made good on that -- I do, though, need to get to Germany and the Czech Republic to meet the parents of my most recent hosting experiences. However, I did start traveling to Mexico pretty regularly to get to know that girl's extended family, and soon I found that I was a part of it. They were so loving and appreciative of my having hosted her. Over the years our bond has grown and she is now my very best friend. My life is infinitely better with her in it, and I would never have known this person if I'd never hosted. 

If you choose to host and you do it right, your life, too, will be infinitely better than it is now and than you can ever imagine.