Ranting about Rants Gone Rong (or is that Wrong?)!!

Disclaimer before reading the following post: If you don't have a sense of humor or a desire to continually improve yourself, then do NOT read this post. If your hackles are always up, and you believe that your opinions and yours alone are the only correct ones in the world, then go do something else. You, and your kind, are not welcome here.


Here's a test. Read the following and see if you can find the mistakes:

Well, we could of won the game, but the referee was a real jerk, and coach was to. I'm so sick of how he only plays your kids if your someone important in the community. He's not even that great of a coach. I mean, seriously, he don't make the write calls at the write times. In the last quarter he should of called a time out before my son fouled out, but he's to arrogant to do the write thing.  


O.K. You should have caught SEVEN glaring mistakes, depending on how you count them. Did you? If not, then go back and reread it, and try again. I'll wait.

Why this little test? Because I'm utterly sick and tired of two things concerning social media -- first and foremost, the needless, inane, and ignorant rants that people post in the heat of the moment without truly considering the consequences of what they write, and -- second, the rampant misuse of the English language via mistakes that are unnecessary and easy to stop before they happen.

Here are a few of the most blatant ones that really get under my skin:

1. It is could HAVE or should HAVE. It is not could OF or should OF. In the passage above, it should read "we could have won the game." This particular mistake has become quite pervasive throughout social media, and it needs to stop. It's been slowly creeping into everyday language for years now, too. I sometimes have to stuff cotton into my ears to stop them from bleeding when this mistake pops up too frequently in my classroom full of junior high kids, but they are junior high kids and not grown-ass adults who should know better by now.

2. That sentence ending in TOO in #1 leads me to my second complaint. Stop using TO when you mean TOO. If you can substitute also for the word "to," then you need the word "too" and not "to." " . . . and coach was to" should read "and coach was too" since it would sound equally correct to say "and coach was also."
    The other use of TOO is to emphasize something. Like every time I read a comment where TO is used instead of TOO, I think to myself (or yell aloud) "this person is too stupid!" So, in the sample from above, the final part should read "he's too arrogant" because it's emphasizing the quantity of arrogance he has.
    TO is to be used as the beginnings of infinitives or as a preposition to show that someone is going TO Hell for not being able to correctly master this very simple concept.

3. Now let's tackle that tricky duo of YOUR versus YOU'RE. Hmmmm, they are just so puzzling. Actually, no, they are not. See that little guy hanging around in the air between the U and the R in the second one? That's called an apostrophe. Say it with me. A-pos-tro-phe. What the hell is it doing there? It's taking the place of something that was left out. So, what possibly could have been left out? Oh, that's right. The letter A. As in YOU ARE a dumb ass if you don't understand this simple concept. That could also read as YOU'RE a dumb ass. Of course, if you write YOUR A DUMB ASS, then you are simply proving my point that YOU'RE THE DUMB ASS.
       YOUR is for possession as in THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL. So, wake the fuck up and stop using YOUR when you mean YOU'RE and vice versa.

4. Moving on. The next mistake you should have noticed (did you notice I wrote should have and not should of?) is the HE DON'T. I blame this extremely common mistake on country music. Just listen to it sometime if you don't already. It is chock-full of "he don't" and "she don't" and "it don't." So, what should it be you ask? Well, I'm glad you're curious. The correct phrasing is HE DOESN'T. This applies to the other country music errors -- SHE DOESN'T and IT DOESN'T. Seriously, just think of it without the N'T attached. Would you say HE DO something? Hell no, you wouldn't! You'd know better because it just sounds wrong. Why does it sound wrong? Because it is!!!!! HE DOES THE LAUNDRY but HE DOESN'T DO THE DISHES is correct. HE DO THE LAUNDRY but HE DON'T DO THE DISHES is the lingo of a moron. Stop being a moron.

5. The final mistake from above was, and should have been, the most obvious. It's also the most forgivable because people rely too much on spell check these days, and they don't pay attention to whether (or is it weather?) or not they are using the correct homophone. I see people using WRITE when they mean RIGHT all the time. That doesn't make it o.k., though. Double check what you WRITE so that you will get it RIGHT.

Now that I have either thoroughly pissed you off (because you are one of the millions fucking up when you use basic English that you should have mastered in first grade) or I have enlightened you a little, please go back and review the rant at the beginning of my long rant, and see if you can now spot the seven very glaring mistakes. If you can, good job. I'm proud of you.

Now, please, I beg of you these two things: first, think before you post stupid comments that will only serve to hurt someone or to make you look horrible (or both), and second, if you must post the mean rants, then please give yourself more credibility by ranting using correct grammar and spelling.

I look forward to reading your correctly worded social media rants . . . uh, I mean, posts.

Insomnia vs. Nightmares

I've had a long hate-filled relationship with that nasty nighttime sleep thief called Insomnia, but lately I've begun to look upon him in friendlier terms since my much-needed sleep has been invaded by a more horrible fiend called Nightmare. I'm not sure why the sneaky bastard has decided to bother me of late -- I'm not doing any of the activities that once brought him racing to me in the dead of night like reading scary novels or watching horror movies. I do enjoy spicy food and the occasional nightcap, so could they be bringing this unwelcome guest to my bedroom? I doubt it.

After the first nightmare a few nights ago, I chalked it up to the fact that my Christmas vacation was fast coming to an end, and my subconscious was reacting in fright while I slept. One night of bad dreams I can handle and accept, but two nights? No way. And the topic of the first night's bad dreams was of all things ZOMBIES! Give me a break! I don't watch movies about them. I don't read about them. I don't believe in them! Why the hell did I dream about them?

I'm not sure, though, which sleep problem is worse. With insomnia, I simply cannot sleep -- at all. I lay in bed and try, and try, and try to relax and shut off my brain. I take medicine to help me relax. I read until I cannot keep my eyes open any longer. I have a quiet room, so there is nothing distracting me. I don't have a TV in my room. I don't listen to music at night. I shut my door to keep the cat out. It's quiet. It's calm. It's a great room. It's a comfortable bed. I have plenty of pillows and warm blankets. I even get a great back rub from a sweet guy at times to help me relax. Yet, I continue to suffer from Insomnia. Sometimes, days go by with no sleep, and then I might as well be going to work drunk -- I'm sure some people think I am when I'm slurring my words and looking at them out of bloodshot eyes that can't quite focus on their faces.

However, when I can't sleep, I'm not beset upon by creepy things like zombies, for Pete's sake! I don't cry out in despair when something horrible happens, I don't wake up sweating with my heart pounding like I'd just run a mile with none of the health benefits of actually running that mile, I don't toss and turn and pull my covers all out of place, and I don't strike out in fear at my sleeping partner when I feel his innocent shape at my side yet react irrationally in my sleep-numbed fright.

I wrote the following for my writing group. It's meant to convey a typical five minutes of torture by Insomnia. As much as I hate Mr. Nightmare, I won't be composing anything to document his torture. Instead, I'll hope that his visits have come to an end as I continue to wage war against my longtime nemesis, Insomnia.

Insomnia

by Tammy Marshall

it’s all about the bass, oh my god, shut up, get that stupid song out of my head, it’s all about, seriously, shut up, why do i let her listen to that shit in the car at night when i know it’ll only get stuck in my head and not let me sleep, oh my god, i hate that song, think of something else, it’s all about the bass, aaaaarrrggghhh, hmmmmm, hmmmmm, hmmmmmm, do i have to turn on my lamp and read some more, i don’t want to, i’m all warm and cozy now so if i just stop thinking about stuff i can go to sleep, stop thinking about stuff? yeah right, dumby, you know you can’t shut your brain off, la la la la la la, hmmmm, six hours until my alarm goes off, damn it, my neck has a crimp in it, i’ll never fall asleep in this position, it’s all about the, aaaarrrggghh, that’s it, i’m throwing that damn cd away, what are my plans for tomorrow?, poem and story first hour and then i need to get caught up on checking that pile of papers in my drawer, then the freshmen need to give their speeches, then, it’s all about the bass, oh  my god, seriously, shut up, shut up, shut up, what was that thud?, damn cat, what’s he gotten into now? or was it the cat? of course it’s the cat, what else would it be? maybe somebody broke in, oh shut up, don’t even go there, fourth i have those damn 7th grade punks, well, most of them are good kids, just those two that i can’t stand much, then lunch, wonder what it is tomorrow, need to remember to check in the morning, if it’s bad, then i need to take some cash to run to cubby’s, no, it’s too damn cold to leave the building, so i’ll just have to eat it i guess, hope it’s not mini-corndogs, ugh, who invented such a horrible food, it’s all about . . . hmmmmmmmmm, then we’re going over the imperfect tense, then i have to review with the spanish two class, what am i doing with spanish one?, hmmm, can’t remember, oh well, then mini-reports, then need to run to the grocery store and dollar general, grrrr, so much to do tomorrow and i can’t get to sleep, screw it

(lamp on, book open, read for fifteen more minutes, no idea what i’m reading as i’m so tired i can’t keep my eyes open, close book and shut off lamp)

. . . . . . . . .  it’s all about the bass, aaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh

Response to my former married self

The italicized part is a letter I wrote to myself prior to my divorce. I now write a response to that woman of the past.

Dear former married self,

I write this to you as you approach your third Christmas without the man who made you so unhappy for so many years. The past two Christmases without him have been wonderful, and this one promises to be even better yet.

Dear future divorced self,

I write this to you from the past, which is the present right now, but as soon as I post it and when you later read it, it will most definitely be the past.

I write to you, a free woman, to remind you to not squander that hard won freedom. Breathe it in every single day. Relish it. Embrace it. Heck, fondle it a little even. Just be sure to love it every single minute. The war for it was a long one, but you came out alive -- scathed, most certainly, but alive and kicking nonetheless.

Do not fear. I have not squandered a moment of my freedom. I give thanks for it every single day. I know that I am one of the lucky ones who saw the misery she was living and got out alive and before it was truly too late. I don't take a single day for granted. I relish every moment of living my life how I see fit and without the negativity that was once a part of my daily existence.

I speak to you from your not-so-distant past to remind you that you once lived here in misery, so if you from time to time find yourself feeling nostalgic for something you think you've lost, then allow me to send out a virtual-world slap to the face from the past you to the future you. Snap out of it, woman! You are better off in every single sense of the word than you were even a few months ago.

I've never felt a moment of nostalgia because I know that what I had wasn't worth wasting my time over missing it. If I'm nostalgic for anything, it's simply for the time when my kids were little. I so badly wish I could return to that time and give them a life without that man bringing a daily dose of negativity into their sweet, innocent lives. That is my biggest regret -- that I didn't divorce him long ago and save them some needless suffering. Nostalgia for times spent with him, though? Not even once have I missed him. Not even for a single second since the moment he moved out.

You can now focus on your dreams and on turning them into reality. You're going to be a published author, and you're going to be successful at it -- you now have the time to focus on your craft, and you can write more often in this blog that you currently neglect as badly as somebody once neglected you.

My first book is being published sort of -- it's available on the Norfolk Daily News website where they are releasing a chapter a time on Fridays for a year. The response has been pretty great. With school and the demands of the things I coach there, though, I still don't have the time I truly need to devote to writing like I want to, but I'm making plans for a soon-to-be future that won't include all of those extra duties and that will free up more time for me to focus on my writing.

You can travel more now. Go swim with those whale sharks, see Macchu Picchu, fly over the Grand Canyon, drive to the Florida Keys, visit Alcatraz (and imagine somebody locked away there), feel the spray from Iguazu Falls, see a glacier before they become extinct, and revisit all those places you loved but never got enough time to appreciate with someone who hated to travel.

I did swim with those whale sharks! It was amazing! I want to go back and do it again. This past summer, though, I didn't get anywhere exotic. I spent most of it riding my motorcycle, though, which was a treat in itself. Don't worry, though. Many more trips abroad and within the states are planned and will happen.

Read all those books crowding your shelves and all those you have yet to buy and all those that are yet to be published. Soak in the words of the Masters, and use them to become a better writer yourself. Learn from the greats and appreciate the wisdom packed into those pages.

I'm approaching my goal of 50 books read this year. I will probably fall a little short, but I'm definitely reading a lot more than I was able to before. When you live a life that is stress-free, it's amazing what you can accomplish.

Love your children every single day, and let them know that they are the most important people in your life, and they always will be. Show them that you are better and stronger for having finally broke away from the negativity holding you back for so many years. Let them know that standing on their own two feet is much more important than leaning on somebody else.

I'm sure they know how much I love them. Sam still lives at home, and our nightly ritual involves me telling her I love her and her telling me the same. I text Trevor frequently and always let him know I love him. I am very proud of the man he's becoming, and I go to as many of the basketball games he helps coach as I possibly can. His father doesn't go to any. Actions speak louder than words! Sam is a wonder, and I can't speak enough about how talented, smart and lovely she is. I look forward to seeing the woman she'll become.

Treat your friends well, especially your best friend, and make many new ones. Have fun! Lots of fun! Make great memories because I'm looking forward to experiencing them someday myself.

Through my joining of the American Legion Riders, I've made many new friends, including a very special man who is much more than a friend to me now. My best friend is still my best friend, and nobody will ever replace her. The joy I feel each day at being free of what I once endured has made me a happier person and a person that others like to be around, so I've gained friends simply because I'm happy.

Be willing to love again, but be wise about it as well.

I think I've been wise. I had lost my belief in love during those last years of my marriage, but now I see the beauty of it again, and I believe in its power. It has done wonders for me.

Just know, my future divorced self, that I am here for you, and wherever you go, I will follow. I'm trusting you to lead the way and to make me proud. I can't wait to join you in the world of divorcees.

I'm soooooo glad you finally made that difficult choice and went through with it, even though I know it was hard at the time. I can assure you that you made it through the ordeal a happier, stronger, smarter, and even prettier woman. Thank you so much for getting divorced.

Sincerely and with love,

Tammy

Looking for Love -- Third Edition -- UPDATED

***Special note: Apparently, what I wrote below offended certain people. That was never my intention. However, the main person who was offended probably shouldn't even have been reading this. You know who you are. Stop stalking me. I am entitled to write what I want to write on my own blog. You are entitled to simply not read it if you don't like what I have to say. That's the beauty of a free country. 


As the saying goes -- "Third time's a charm!" This definitely seems fitting for my love-life post-divorce. (If you've read the first two editions of this post, you understand.)

I've been with a certain special man for five months now, and they've been five really great months. We are both members of the Legion Riders, and we briefly met during an event. Then a few days later, we met again at a poker run, and we spent the whole day riding together and visiting at each stop. Since that day, we've been as inseparable as our busy lives and the distance between our hometowns allow us to be.

While our Legion Rider membership and mutual love of motorcycles and long rides brought us together, our views on life and relationships -- gleaned from our two long, unhappy marriages -- have bonded us and solidified our love.

Here are just a sampling of those things we both learned the hard way at the hands of our ex-spouses:

• Being belittled on a daily basis isn't fun or good for a marriage -- He and I don't take each other for granted, and we don't put down what the other likes just because it's not our cup of tea. He never calls me "fucking stupid" like I heard daily once upon an existence, and I never scream and yell at him as he once tolerated all the time.
• If you can't share, then you don't love your partner or your children -- My ex always took the biggest bowl of ice cream, the last piece of cake, the final glass of milk, all the money, the entire couch, etc. His ex wouldn't "let" him listen to music in the car, help prepare meals for a special diet he needed to follow for a while, and she'd never share in the driving yet she'd ridicule his driving the entire trip and tell him everything he was doing "wrong."
• Lying and going behind the other's back only leads to mistrust and betrayal -- My ex lied over and over about debt and then later about the woman he was cheating on me with. His ex lied over and over about smoking pretending that she quit with him years ago while continuing to sneak cigarettes on the side (something you just can't hide, dumb woman).
• Affection -- genuine and frequent -- is necessary for a strong and meaningful bond -- My ex only offered affection when he wanted something in return (usually a favor involving me paying for stuff for him) yet he 'd bitch and moan constantly when I wouldn't offer up nightly back rubs for him since I knew that they wouldn't be reciprocated without a condition being attached, and even if I were just feeling generous and felt like giving him a back rub to be nice, he'd bitch and moan the whole time that I wasn't doing it right. His ex stopped all forms of affection with him over fifteen years ago, so he moved out of the bedroom and onto the couch. Sleeping in a bed once again has been a new and welcome change in his life. Cuddling, kissing and back rubs have put a youthful glimmer back into his eyes that was missing for a long time.
• The little things really do matter the most -- It costs him nothing to open the car door for me, yet it shows me he cares about me. It takes barely seconds of my time to send him a few texts throughout the day, yet it shows him that I'm thinking about him and makes him smile. He never bitches at all when I give him a back rub -- in fact, he practically purrs in satisfaction. Even though I still feel uncomfortable with how generous he is toward me with his money, I'm slowly accepting that it makes him happy to buy me supper or gas for my bike or a new book, and I can promise that I'll never take his generosity for granted the way his ex did and the way my ex took me for granted.
• Being with the one you love is supposed to be fun -- In both of our marriages, he and I looked for ways to escape from our spouses because we were just plain-ass miserable with them. I escaped via travel abroad and into the protective world of books. He escaped by buying a motorcycle and going for long rides and by going hunting whenever possible with friends. Since we met, I still read, of course, but when he's around I put the books away and spend time with him. Just about every motorcycle ride he's taken since we met has been with me, and we kept looking for opportunities to go on rides together. He has also got his very first passport ever, so he can accompany me on my next trip abroad, which I now view in a completely new light -- as an adventure together rather than as an escape from a hateful and intolerable man.

As you can see, these are all common sense sort of things; however, when you're caught in a truly toxic marriage, as we both were, those things are not common at all. Our exes sucked the joy out of our relationships and completely destroyed whatever love we once felt for them. 

But there's another saying that goes "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," and I believe that to be true as long as you don't let it ruin you in other ways. I knew when I got divorced that there were good men out there. I didn't know if I'd ever find one for me or not, but I knew they existed.

He didn't really know what to expect when he left his long marriage. He just wanted out of a relationship that had pretty much sucked the life right out of him.

Then he met me. He once told another Legion Rider in front of me that he'd walked away from the worst thing that ever happened to him and right into the very best thing that has ever happened to him. That was probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about me, and it didn't cost him anything to say it.

My life is infinitely richer with him in it. And from every sweet thing he's said to me, I know he's living the life of a king with me instead of the pauper one he endured with his ex.

Giving Thanks

                                       

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday, and, frankly, I get very annoyed at how much it is overshadowed by Christmas. Not only are Christmas decorations on the shelves of stores and in people's yards far too early, but that idiotic Black Friday satanic shopping nonsense has now encroached upon the very day of Thanksgiving as well.

People, in my opinion, have forgotten what Thanksgiving (as well as Christmas) are really all about in their madness to save a few dollars on things they wouldn't even buy if they weren't "on sale." Sorry, but I'll never understand it, and I'll never take part in it. Black Friday is a big old black eye on America as far as I'm concerned.

Thanksgiving is meant to be spent with family doing the very thing that comprises the name of the holiday -- Giving Thanks.

I need that day, not only as a much needed respite from school, but also as a reminder once a year that I need to take a moment and think about everything for which I'm thankful since it's too easy on most other days to focus on the negative things that cause me grief (even when that grief is minor). I need that day to make me take a breather and realize that I actually have it very good.

So, here is a list of some of the very many things for which I'm thankful, in no particular order.

My children, Trevor and Samantha, who are truly the very best things that have ever happened to me.

My parents, Ronald and Lois, without whom I wouldn't exist and I wouldn't be the person I am.

My brother, Kevin, and his wife, Anissa, and their two kids, Abbi and Zak.

My love, Kim, who is the kindest, most generous, orneriest, and cutest man I know.

My best friend, Silvia, and her daughter, Constanza, who I keep close in my heart even though they live far away. Nobody understands me or makes me laugh like Silvia does.

My dog, Biscuit, and my cat, Blackjack, who show me unconditional love everyday.

                                                        

My motorcycle, which has expanded my horizons in many different ways.

My books, which also expand my horizons every single day. They offer me knowledge, solace, companionship, wisdom, advice, humor, intrigue, adventure, and so much more.

My house, which keeps me warm and dry.

My freedom, which many others in many other places cannot claim to have.

My extended family, which is quite vast, because I'm never alone no matter where I may choose to go.

My exchange students from Spain, Italy, Germany, Mongolia, Czech Republic, and Mexico, who have expanded my horizons and become part of my family.

My students who have bothered to pay attention and actually learn from me, and who, in turn, have taught me things as well.

My employer for paying me a salary which allows me to take care of my kids.

My friends, who are too numerous to mention (or perhaps they'd rather remain anonymous -- ha ha), for their companionship over the years.

My divorce, which has given me a new lease on life and the gift of every single day to live in the manner in which I see fit.


Once a person starts to examine her life, she soon sees that there are far more things for which she can be thankful than there are things that bring her distress.

I could easily list 100 actual things, aside from people, for which I'm thankful every single day.

Here goes:
1. my alarm clock
2. orange juice
3. a hot shower
4. dental floss
5. lotion
6. a flush toilet
7. a soft bed
8. slippers
9. tweezers
10. toilet paper
11. carpet
12. running water
13. my refrigerator
14. a garage
15. a garage door opener
16. a shovel
17. trees
18. sidewalks
19. my car
20. stop signs
21. street lights
22. electricity
23. radios
24. music in general
25. cotton swabs
26. soap
27. shoe in-soles
28. jewelry
29. pens
30. paper
31. laptops
32. e-mail
33. paper clips
34. scissors
35. drawers
36. blankets
37. coats
38. gloves
39. ice scrapers
40. fireplaces
41. paring knives
42. microwave ovens
43. cell phones
44. television
45. Netflix
46. my treadmill
47. dog leashes
48. hammocks
49. pillows
50. hot tea
51. cold tea
52. lemons
53. spicy food
54. pasta
55. watermelon
56. newspapers
57. Post-it notes
58. photographs
59. windows
60. curtains
61. candles
62. teapots
63. dictionaries
64. belts
65. pavement
66. ice cubes
67. water bottles
68. convenience stores
69. microphones
70. roses
71. poetry
72. novels
73. highlighters
74. debit cards
75. ATMs
76. bookstores
77. safety pins
78. seat belts
79. helmets
80. chaps
81. sunglasses
82. fingernail polish
83. bras
84. printers
85. bookmarks
86. planners/organizers
87. calendars
88. heated water bowl for my dog
89. my desk at work
90. my desk at home
91. board games
92. puzzles
93. word puzzles
94. mirrors
95. my bleacher seat
96. t-shirts
97. jeans
98. thick socks
99. eye makeup remover
100. beer

That was super easy, and that is just a sampling of the many things on any given day for which I am very grateful and thankful.

Since my divorce over two and a half years ago, I've tried to make every day a mini-Thanksgiving day, but I know that there are still days that go by without me stopping to take a moment and reflect upon all that I have rather than all that I don't have, so I'm especially thankful for the very day of Thanksgiving because it's the one day out of my hectic life where I can truly stop and spend the whole day appreciating things.

I'll tell you this much for sure: I am definitely NOT thankful for Black Friday and the other inane things that detract from the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

Summer 2014

This summer may make the books as the best summer of my life. And I didn't even travel abroad this summer! Usually I need a trip to reinvigorate myself and prepare for the coming school year, but I'm heading back to work happier than I can ever recall feeling at this time of year before.

I owe that happiness to a few things, but all those things involve my motorcycle, so I give credit where credit is due -- to my bike.


It's brought me new friends through the Legion Riders I joined in January, and it's brought me a new purpose in life with the rides I've done on Veterans' behalf.

I've ridden about 2,000 miles this summer. Last summer when I bought it and only had myself to ride with, I only put about 110 miles on it. I lacked the confidence I needed to hit the open road alone, but I've gained that after riding a lot with others, and I've ventured out on my own a few times even this summer. Mostly, though, those 2,000 miles were spent in the company of other Legion Riders and riding enthusiasts.

I've seen a lot of roads I didn't even know existed prior to my rides this summer. Like everyone, I'm a routine-minded person. To get from point A to point B it's just easier to take the same old road, but on the bike I've come to relish looking for the lesser traveled roads to get me places. I especially look for the roads with the prettiest views on the winding hills, and I've found just about all of them that Northeastern Nebraska has to offer, but there are still some out there I hope to tackle before the cold weather sends my bike to the garage for hibernation.

I've gotten to really know the feel of my bike, and I've even come to the know the feel of it when it's lying on top of me after going down twice with it! Both times were silly miscalculations on my own part, and I take full responsibility for falling over. Fortunately, I'm not alone in having that mishap, and many seasoned riders have told me about the times when they went down on their bikes. I'd still like to prevent that from ever happening again, but I realize that there will probably be a few more times when the weight of the bike simply gets the best of me. I wasn't harmed at all -- the bike was a tiny bit on the windshield -- but my pride suffered a bit as the second time happened in front of a lot of people gathered for a parade. Oh well, gotta be able to laugh at yourself, and I certainly did once the bike and I were both standing up again.

I've met a special guy while riding, and I'd say that close to 800 of those 2,000 miles have been spent in his company. We've ridden with lots of other Legion Riders for events, and we've ridden just the two of us all over the area enjoying the lovely weather and the joy of the open road. We had an immediate connection, and we've spent every day since together in some way, either on the phone actually talking, which we prefer, or by texting, or we've been off riding somewhere discovering new places and rediscovering old ones in a new light. So, if this continues on, I'll owe my bike for even more happiness than what it has already brought me.

Aside from riding, I spent a lot of my summer taking three courses that will bring me a much-needed and long-time-coming pay raise at work this year. While I took the classes for the pay raise, I did really enjoy them and the things I learned in them will really enhance my teaching this year.

I read a lot, and reading will always be my number one passion in life. Riding has become a close second, but it can't replace reading for me. I have so many books that I want to read that there can never be enough time to get to them all. Not a single day went by that I didn't read something this summer, and that's just the way I like it to be.

The dog and I walked about 200 miles this summer as well. So, clearly my summer was largely spent outdoors. That's how it should be. That's also why I should live somewhere where it is warm all year round. That way I could walk and ride daily all year instead of for only a few months. With the walking, I continue to improve my physical appearance. I've lost weight, but mostly I've toned up, and the fresh air and exercise just makes me happy.

Happy. That would best sum up how I feel at the end of the summer of 2014. Of course, I've basically been happy since the ex moved out almost two and half years ago, but that event was more the door opening to allow all the joy that's followed to enter my life. The happiness I feel now is different. It's a part of me. It comes from being free in mind, body and spirit. The rides, the reads, and the walks have cleared out what remained of the sorrow and bitterness.

While I look at my summer as coming to a close since I am returning to school in a few days, I know that the summer isn't truly over, so I will use whatever free time I have from work to embrace more rides, more reads and more walks to extend the happiness I feel right now as long as possible. And when the cold air and snow does finally arrive, I'll have all the great memories of the summer of 2014 to keep me warm until springtime comes around and the bike comes out again.

How Sex is like Reading

“How Sex is like Reading”

Or: “The Column I’d like to Submit but Won’t”

Tammy Marshall

            Sex can be compared to many things, but for shits ‘n giggles, let’s compare it to my second favorite bedtime activity, reading, because a lot of good stuff happens between both types of covers.

            Reading skills, like sexual ones, get better with age and with practice. When you’re young, your reading tastes haven’t fully developed, and you spend a lot of time trying out different genres, authors, book lengths, etc. This translates to trying out different positions, partners, durations, etc. when speaking of sex. Ah, to be young again.

            As you age, though, your reading preferences get more set. You know what you’re looking for when you go to a library or a bookstore to find the next great read. If you’re single when you’re older, as I am, you also know what you’re looking for in a bedroom partner even if you can’t quite explain it to others. Like finding that perfect book while browsing the shelves, you’ll know when you spot that perfect mate the moment you see him – there is just that aha moment that speaks to your soul (or to a spot further south), and you know that if you take home that book/man, you will have a pleasurable evening.

            Both activities are best enjoyed in a bed at night, but both are also best enjoyed when you’re not overly tired. You can’t enjoy a good story when you’re falling asleep in the middle of it, and you certainly can’t enjoy a good roll in the hay when you’re snoozing either.

            If the book or the partner is right, though, whichever activity you’re reveling in at the moment should be quite the stimulating one. In fact, a suspenseful mystery or a frightening thriller can get your heart racing almost as fast as a toe-curling lovemaking session can, providing you’re doing it right at least. Since the best sex has love at its base or eventually leads to love, those heady romances are on par with the sweet tenderness that comes with the most satisfying sex, and when the sex you’re having is with that special partner of many years, then the true classics of literature are what you equate with long-lasting fidelity.

            Some nights you can read for hours just as there are nights where you can have sex for hours. Those are magical nights, and you seldom forget the book you were reading or the person you were doing when you have those moments. Other nights, the magic escapes you, and you’re only good for a paragraph or two or five minutes of fast groping before the Sandman takes you away.

            Believe me, I could get very dirty in my comparing of reading to sex, but I think you get the picture. Reading is my passion, but sex brings me passion, so whether I’m alone or not, bedtime is a good time at my house.

(The above was written in fun for my monthly writers' group where our topic was "Comparisons." They all loved it so much that I decided to share it here on my blog because this is where I like to share things I've written that are both deep and meaningful as well as playful and naughty. Let's face it, sex and reading are all of those things. Hope you're smiling. :) )