Giving Thanks

                                       

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday, and, frankly, I get very annoyed at how much it is overshadowed by Christmas. Not only are Christmas decorations on the shelves of stores and in people's yards far too early, but that idiotic Black Friday satanic shopping nonsense has now encroached upon the very day of Thanksgiving as well.

People, in my opinion, have forgotten what Thanksgiving (as well as Christmas) are really all about in their madness to save a few dollars on things they wouldn't even buy if they weren't "on sale." Sorry, but I'll never understand it, and I'll never take part in it. Black Friday is a big old black eye on America as far as I'm concerned.

Thanksgiving is meant to be spent with family doing the very thing that comprises the name of the holiday -- Giving Thanks.

I need that day, not only as a much needed respite from school, but also as a reminder once a year that I need to take a moment and think about everything for which I'm thankful since it's too easy on most other days to focus on the negative things that cause me grief (even when that grief is minor). I need that day to make me take a breather and realize that I actually have it very good.

So, here is a list of some of the very many things for which I'm thankful, in no particular order.

My children, Trevor and Samantha, who are truly the very best things that have ever happened to me.

My parents, Ronald and Lois, without whom I wouldn't exist and I wouldn't be the person I am.

My brother, Kevin, and his wife, Anissa, and their two kids, Abbi and Zak.

My love, Kim, who is the kindest, most generous, orneriest, and cutest man I know.

My best friend, Silvia, and her daughter, Constanza, who I keep close in my heart even though they live far away. Nobody understands me or makes me laugh like Silvia does.

My dog, Biscuit, and my cat, Blackjack, who show me unconditional love everyday.

                                                        

My motorcycle, which has expanded my horizons in many different ways.

My books, which also expand my horizons every single day. They offer me knowledge, solace, companionship, wisdom, advice, humor, intrigue, adventure, and so much more.

My house, which keeps me warm and dry.

My freedom, which many others in many other places cannot claim to have.

My extended family, which is quite vast, because I'm never alone no matter where I may choose to go.

My exchange students from Spain, Italy, Germany, Mongolia, Czech Republic, and Mexico, who have expanded my horizons and become part of my family.

My students who have bothered to pay attention and actually learn from me, and who, in turn, have taught me things as well.

My employer for paying me a salary which allows me to take care of my kids.

My friends, who are too numerous to mention (or perhaps they'd rather remain anonymous -- ha ha), for their companionship over the years.

My divorce, which has given me a new lease on life and the gift of every single day to live in the manner in which I see fit.


Once a person starts to examine her life, she soon sees that there are far more things for which she can be thankful than there are things that bring her distress.

I could easily list 100 actual things, aside from people, for which I'm thankful every single day.

Here goes:
1. my alarm clock
2. orange juice
3. a hot shower
4. dental floss
5. lotion
6. a flush toilet
7. a soft bed
8. slippers
9. tweezers
10. toilet paper
11. carpet
12. running water
13. my refrigerator
14. a garage
15. a garage door opener
16. a shovel
17. trees
18. sidewalks
19. my car
20. stop signs
21. street lights
22. electricity
23. radios
24. music in general
25. cotton swabs
26. soap
27. shoe in-soles
28. jewelry
29. pens
30. paper
31. laptops
32. e-mail
33. paper clips
34. scissors
35. drawers
36. blankets
37. coats
38. gloves
39. ice scrapers
40. fireplaces
41. paring knives
42. microwave ovens
43. cell phones
44. television
45. Netflix
46. my treadmill
47. dog leashes
48. hammocks
49. pillows
50. hot tea
51. cold tea
52. lemons
53. spicy food
54. pasta
55. watermelon
56. newspapers
57. Post-it notes
58. photographs
59. windows
60. curtains
61. candles
62. teapots
63. dictionaries
64. belts
65. pavement
66. ice cubes
67. water bottles
68. convenience stores
69. microphones
70. roses
71. poetry
72. novels
73. highlighters
74. debit cards
75. ATMs
76. bookstores
77. safety pins
78. seat belts
79. helmets
80. chaps
81. sunglasses
82. fingernail polish
83. bras
84. printers
85. bookmarks
86. planners/organizers
87. calendars
88. heated water bowl for my dog
89. my desk at work
90. my desk at home
91. board games
92. puzzles
93. word puzzles
94. mirrors
95. my bleacher seat
96. t-shirts
97. jeans
98. thick socks
99. eye makeup remover
100. beer

That was super easy, and that is just a sampling of the many things on any given day for which I am very grateful and thankful.

Since my divorce over two and a half years ago, I've tried to make every day a mini-Thanksgiving day, but I know that there are still days that go by without me stopping to take a moment and reflect upon all that I have rather than all that I don't have, so I'm especially thankful for the very day of Thanksgiving because it's the one day out of my hectic life where I can truly stop and spend the whole day appreciating things.

I'll tell you this much for sure: I am definitely NOT thankful for Black Friday and the other inane things that detract from the true spirit of Thanksgiving.

Summer 2014

This summer may make the books as the best summer of my life. And I didn't even travel abroad this summer! Usually I need a trip to reinvigorate myself and prepare for the coming school year, but I'm heading back to work happier than I can ever recall feeling at this time of year before.

I owe that happiness to a few things, but all those things involve my motorcycle, so I give credit where credit is due -- to my bike.


It's brought me new friends through the Legion Riders I joined in January, and it's brought me a new purpose in life with the rides I've done on Veterans' behalf.

I've ridden about 2,000 miles this summer. Last summer when I bought it and only had myself to ride with, I only put about 110 miles on it. I lacked the confidence I needed to hit the open road alone, but I've gained that after riding a lot with others, and I've ventured out on my own a few times even this summer. Mostly, though, those 2,000 miles were spent in the company of other Legion Riders and riding enthusiasts.

I've seen a lot of roads I didn't even know existed prior to my rides this summer. Like everyone, I'm a routine-minded person. To get from point A to point B it's just easier to take the same old road, but on the bike I've come to relish looking for the lesser traveled roads to get me places. I especially look for the roads with the prettiest views on the winding hills, and I've found just about all of them that Northeastern Nebraska has to offer, but there are still some out there I hope to tackle before the cold weather sends my bike to the garage for hibernation.

I've gotten to really know the feel of my bike, and I've even come to the know the feel of it when it's lying on top of me after going down twice with it! Both times were silly miscalculations on my own part, and I take full responsibility for falling over. Fortunately, I'm not alone in having that mishap, and many seasoned riders have told me about the times when they went down on their bikes. I'd still like to prevent that from ever happening again, but I realize that there will probably be a few more times when the weight of the bike simply gets the best of me. I wasn't harmed at all -- the bike was a tiny bit on the windshield -- but my pride suffered a bit as the second time happened in front of a lot of people gathered for a parade. Oh well, gotta be able to laugh at yourself, and I certainly did once the bike and I were both standing up again.

I've met a special guy while riding, and I'd say that close to 800 of those 2,000 miles have been spent in his company. We've ridden with lots of other Legion Riders for events, and we've ridden just the two of us all over the area enjoying the lovely weather and the joy of the open road. We had an immediate connection, and we've spent every day since together in some way, either on the phone actually talking, which we prefer, or by texting, or we've been off riding somewhere discovering new places and rediscovering old ones in a new light. So, if this continues on, I'll owe my bike for even more happiness than what it has already brought me.

Aside from riding, I spent a lot of my summer taking three courses that will bring me a much-needed and long-time-coming pay raise at work this year. While I took the classes for the pay raise, I did really enjoy them and the things I learned in them will really enhance my teaching this year.

I read a lot, and reading will always be my number one passion in life. Riding has become a close second, but it can't replace reading for me. I have so many books that I want to read that there can never be enough time to get to them all. Not a single day went by that I didn't read something this summer, and that's just the way I like it to be.

The dog and I walked about 200 miles this summer as well. So, clearly my summer was largely spent outdoors. That's how it should be. That's also why I should live somewhere where it is warm all year round. That way I could walk and ride daily all year instead of for only a few months. With the walking, I continue to improve my physical appearance. I've lost weight, but mostly I've toned up, and the fresh air and exercise just makes me happy.

Happy. That would best sum up how I feel at the end of the summer of 2014. Of course, I've basically been happy since the ex moved out almost two and half years ago, but that event was more the door opening to allow all the joy that's followed to enter my life. The happiness I feel now is different. It's a part of me. It comes from being free in mind, body and spirit. The rides, the reads, and the walks have cleared out what remained of the sorrow and bitterness.

While I look at my summer as coming to a close since I am returning to school in a few days, I know that the summer isn't truly over, so I will use whatever free time I have from work to embrace more rides, more reads and more walks to extend the happiness I feel right now as long as possible. And when the cold air and snow does finally arrive, I'll have all the great memories of the summer of 2014 to keep me warm until springtime comes around and the bike comes out again.

How Sex is like Reading

“How Sex is like Reading”

Or: “The Column I’d like to Submit but Won’t”

Tammy Marshall

            Sex can be compared to many things, but for shits ‘n giggles, let’s compare it to my second favorite bedtime activity, reading, because a lot of good stuff happens between both types of covers.

            Reading skills, like sexual ones, get better with age and with practice. When you’re young, your reading tastes haven’t fully developed, and you spend a lot of time trying out different genres, authors, book lengths, etc. This translates to trying out different positions, partners, durations, etc. when speaking of sex. Ah, to be young again.

            As you age, though, your reading preferences get more set. You know what you’re looking for when you go to a library or a bookstore to find the next great read. If you’re single when you’re older, as I am, you also know what you’re looking for in a bedroom partner even if you can’t quite explain it to others. Like finding that perfect book while browsing the shelves, you’ll know when you spot that perfect mate the moment you see him – there is just that aha moment that speaks to your soul (or to a spot further south), and you know that if you take home that book/man, you will have a pleasurable evening.

            Both activities are best enjoyed in a bed at night, but both are also best enjoyed when you’re not overly tired. You can’t enjoy a good story when you’re falling asleep in the middle of it, and you certainly can’t enjoy a good roll in the hay when you’re snoozing either.

            If the book or the partner is right, though, whichever activity you’re reveling in at the moment should be quite the stimulating one. In fact, a suspenseful mystery or a frightening thriller can get your heart racing almost as fast as a toe-curling lovemaking session can, providing you’re doing it right at least. Since the best sex has love at its base or eventually leads to love, those heady romances are on par with the sweet tenderness that comes with the most satisfying sex, and when the sex you’re having is with that special partner of many years, then the true classics of literature are what you equate with long-lasting fidelity.

            Some nights you can read for hours just as there are nights where you can have sex for hours. Those are magical nights, and you seldom forget the book you were reading or the person you were doing when you have those moments. Other nights, the magic escapes you, and you’re only good for a paragraph or two or five minutes of fast groping before the Sandman takes you away.

            Believe me, I could get very dirty in my comparing of reading to sex, but I think you get the picture. Reading is my passion, but sex brings me passion, so whether I’m alone or not, bedtime is a good time at my house.

(The above was written in fun for my monthly writers' group where our topic was "Comparisons." They all loved it so much that I decided to share it here on my blog because this is where I like to share things I've written that are both deep and meaningful as well as playful and naughty. Let's face it, sex and reading are all of those things. Hope you're smiling. :) )

Renovations

Renovation --

Meaning number one: "to restore to good condition; make new or as if new again; repair."

These are the types of renovations I'm attempting to do in my house ever since my divorce. Slowly and steadily I've been repainting all the rooms -- painting them colors I actually like, colors that are beautiful and not boring, colors that make me happy, colors that reflect the new me. I'd like to do a lot more than just repaint, but for now that's all I can afford.

I did also complete half of the bottom of my driveway with the help of my father. The other half still needs to be done, but getting half of it finished was a step in the right direction after seventeen years of remaining unfinished. My dad and my son also did a bunch of much needed dirt work around the foundation of the house to prevent rainwater from seeping (and sometimes surging) into the basement. This is what it had needed for years, but the ex preferred the method of just blaming me for water getting into the basement over actually attempting to do anything to stop it.

I've patched a few holes, and every hole I've patched has been a metaphorical reminder for me of the second meaning of renovation, which I'll get to soon.

Dad and my son also finally removed the extremely ugly and useless (since I never used it, not because it doesn't work) black wood-burning stove that my ex insisted we install when we built the house even though he never used it. It was just an ugly reminder of an ugly human being, and the day they carted it out of my kitchen was one of the happiest days of this summer for me so far. I still need to have the chimney removed and the hole in the roof patched, but that will come with time and money like all the other renovations I am still planning.

The point is that I'm actually working to improve my house. I certainly could have done some of these things while I was still married instead of just living with the problems; however, just as I'm doing now, every single renovation would have been paid for by me and undertaken by me (and my dad most likely) with absolutely no help whatsoever from the ex. In fact, I would then have had to listen to his grumbling and complaining about my choice of paint color for the walls or how bringing the truck onto the lawn to move dirt around ruined a patch of the grass, etc. I would have had to listen to this constant bitching from a person who wouldn't have lifted even a finger to help do any of the work and who certainly wouldn't have contributed even one dime to pay for any of the work. So, I just tolerated the problems as they began creeping up. Now, however, he is out of my house and out of my life, so I can do whatever I damn well please when it comes to renovating things around here -- of course, the lack of funds does put a damper on all that I'd like to do, but I'll just be like the tortoise and keep plodding along slowly and steadily until I have things the way I'd like them someday.



Meaning number two: "to reinvigorate; refresh; revive."

I'm renovating myself. Just like the home renovations, it's a slow, yet steady, process.

I told myself that 2014 would be the Year of Me. I want this year to be one of revival for myself. So far, it's been exactly that.

I'm writing more. This is something I never should have let myself stray away from. My first novel is being published on-line, and my column is running strong. I blog occasionally, but I know I need to do more. I'm starting to bill myself as a writer when people ask me what I do for a living. I used to just say, "I'm a teacher." Now I say, "I'm a writer and a teacher." By putting 'writer' first I usually get asked something like, "Oh, what do you write?" Then I tell them. I know I've gained a few new readers that way, and every new reader is a new reminder that I'm actually a writer. Teaching pays the bills (for now), but writing brings me joy.

I'm reading more, and I'm pretty sure I'll make my 50 book goal for the year. I'd love to surpass that, but I'll settle for 50 books in 2014.

I'm riding my motorcycle quite a bit. Joining the Legion Riders has brought me all sorts of opportunities for great rides, and I've met a bunch of new people who I can share my love of riding with. I don't want or like to ride alone, so this group allows me to ride more confidently because I feel safe with them, and it allows me to ride for a purpose beyond my own enjoyment.

I'm walking a lot. My dog and I have reached 60 miles in both May and June, and those miles have done our bodies good. In addition, walking is my meditation and my therapy. It clears my mind when I allow myself to feel down (as I still do from time to time), and it frees my writing Muse when she is feeling stubborn and keeping her ideas at bay. Walking has strengthened my core, which also helps me to hold up a very heavy motorcycle when I stop, and it has even toned my chubby ass in a first-time-ever-noticeable-to-me way.

I'm sleeping well. This, mostly, comes from being happily divorced, but the more I sleep well, the better I sleep. I used to suffer from a lot of insomnia, but that's virtually disappeared now.

I know I still have a long ways to go before I'll really be satisfied with myself, but I'm a totally different person than I was a mere two and a half years ago. The first and most important step was getting rid of the ex. Once he was out of my house, at least, my entire life began to change for the better. Like my house, I'm aging and things are simply falling apart, and the best I can do at times is just to slap a patch over something and call it good. However, like my house, there are areas in which I can totally renovate something and make it even better than it was when it was brand new. Those are the areas in which I plan to expend the most energy. Basically, the happier I am with me, the happier I can make those around me.

What's next for the house? Hopefully new carpeting and linoleum, new porch railing, finishing the driveway, getting rid of the chimney and patching the roof, and the list goes on and on.

What's next for me? Hopefully some traveling; lots more riding, writing, reading and walking; new friends; an actual publishing contract or two; and meaningful memory-making time with my kids. And the list goes on and on.

On being a new Legion Rider

In January I joined the American Legion Auxiliary. I did this so that I could become a Legion Rider. I am only eligible for the Auxiliary because my father served in the U.S. Air Force for 20 years. In my teens I actually planned to join the military ROTC program, but a sever stomach ulcer my senior year disqualified me from any further consideration of that plan -- nowadays, a stomach ulcer would not disqualify you from the military, but back then it did.

In an earlier post here I wrote about my Harley that I bought last summer as a gift to myself once my divorce was final. I'm a middle-aged single woman with a Harley, but I don't really have anybody to go riding with, and I'm not super keen to get out there and do a lot of riding on my own simply because I don't want to be alone if I had an accident or a complication with my bike or if the weather turned foul. I've long admired the Legion Riders here in my town, so I mentioned to my dad that I'd like to join them if it was possible through my connection with him. He told me that as his daughter I could join the Auxiliary, and then once I was a member of that I could also join the Legion Riders. He even took matters into his own hands and paid for my memberships as part of my Christmas present.

So, come January I attended my very first meeting. Since we were in the dead of a frigid winter with months of it ahead of us, clearly we didn't do any riding for a while. Then May came and the requests for riders to attend funerals and take part in the flag lines started pouring in -- the requests come all year actually, but they are more frequent when it's possible for the riders to actually ride their motorcycles to the funerals.

I was still stuck in school for most of May, so I wasn't free to help until last week when I finally went on my first ride as a Legion Rider to a funeral in a town 70 miles away. This was a momentous ride for me in two ways -- first, it was my very first experience with the Legion Riders, and second, it was my longest ride yet.

Fortunately, it was a gorgeous, sunny day. The few riders that set out from here with me stuck me right in the middle of the pack and took good care of me as we headed down the highway. We joined up in Norfolk with a large group of riders from there and surrounding towns, and then I really felt the exhilaration of riding in a long line of bikers that stretched out before me on the highway.

Once we got to the town and the church, we parked our bikes and we were each given a large flag on a long pole. We then stood with that flag in what is called a flag line that ran the length of the sidewalk in front of the church, and we held those flags proudly as the mourners entered the church for the funeral of the veteran.

While the funeral was in progress, we simply sat in the shade and talked quietly and drank some much needed water. It was gorgeously sunny, but it was also a warm one, and I still bear the sunburn to prove it (lesson learned: wear sunscreen on more than my face!). After the funeral, we made a different flag line for the people to pass through.

Then we rolled up the flags and put them in the flag truck which headed out to the cemetery ahead of us. We all got on our bikes and rode out to the burial grounds where we once again grabbed the flags and formed two sides of a square around the grave. The third side was comprised of the local Legion members who did the 21 gun salute and played "Taps" while the fourth side was made up of the mourners.

This particular funeral was quite unique in that the man's beloved horse bore his cremated remains to the graveside in a saddle bag, and then the urn was placed in a small hole in the ground by one of the veteran's family members. While we were at the cemetery, enough of a breeze blew through to really make the flags fly, and it was really moving to behold. I can only imagine that the deceased veteran would have been truly happy to see how everything played out on his behalf.

After we rolled up the flags again, we took off for home. We could have stayed and joined the luncheon at the church, but the few of us who had departed from here were tired and ready to return home. Maybe the next time I help out at a funeral that is closer to home I will stay to chat with the family. I do know that they were very appreciative of our presence, and I felt quite honored to take part in their send-off to a man they loved.

Being a Legion Rider means more than just serving at funerals, though, and I am still learning the ropes. There are a lot of activities planned for June including parades, poker runs, and even escorting the Vietnam Memorial Wall replica to a nearby town, so hopefully I will be able to do some of those activities and gain even more experience as a rider in a great organization.

Freedom is . . .

Freedom is . . .

painting the walls of my house any damn color I see fit
a rumbling Harley under my ass and the road stretched out before me
a long walk with my old dog accompanied by the sun and the breeze
summers without students and papers and inane in-services
a good book and hours (or days) in which to spend reading it
a restful night made such sans snores and constant cover-stealing
telling my nearest and dearest anything without judgment or backstabbing
a son and a daughter becoming what they want to be
a buffet before me and an empty plate to fill however I choose
drinking a beer on my porch and watching the day turn to night
a chat with my best friend no matter the distance, the time, or the topic
a paycheck to feed my family and buy me the books I love
driving cross country with the radio up and the windows down
a cat stretched out in the sunlight coming through the window
a song that makes me dance across my living room and back
writing whatever I want, whenever I want and wherever I want
a kiss that releases my heart from the prison it once inhabited
a bill totaling about 200,000 dollars and worth every single cent


Tammy Marshall
May 18, 2014

Looking for Love -- Second Edition

In a recent post, I discussed my online dating life since my separation and subsequent divorce after 22 years of marriage. I ended that post on a hopeful note believing that I'd actually met a man worthy of my renewed faith in love and the positive outlook I've decided to embrace.

Sadly, he proved himself to be completely unworthy of my love, my respect, my admiration and any other positive warm-fuzzy feeling I want to include in my life. Not to disparage him here because he sort of was a nice guy; however, one can't feel anything but contempt for a man who doesn't even have the balls to actually break up with a woman. He just faded out of my life, and when I demanded an explanation from him I received one via e-mail! It was a pathetic excuse for an explanation, but, hey, at least I got one, right? (insert scoffing and eye rolling)

So, I'm moving on once again. One half of myself says, "Stay away from men all together! They are nothing but trouble. At this age, they are either divorced with all the baggage that entails, never married which begs the question of 'why the hell not?,' or widowed and still pining for the wives taken from them too soon." The other half of me reminds the first half that the entire me deserves to experience real, true, honest-to-goodness love -- a love that is directed at me and not based on selfish needs, immature raging hormones or a misdirected sense of obligation.

Which half ultimately wins this battle remains to be seen.

I'm currently giving a new guy a shot, and so far, he seems like a pretty great guy. It's still very early, though, so I'm sure this post will have a third edition that will either contain an acknowledgement of my success with this one, or it will perhaps be written by the first half of my psyche who is convinced that men aren't worth the effort and that I should just give up on them.

I'm left with the thing I ended the other post with -- Hope. Since my divorce, my life has only improved every single day. That isn't an exaggeration, either. Every single day, and I mean every single one of them, is better than the day before. With each day, that horrible load I once carried upon my shoulders gets lighter and lighter as Time adds his healing touch to my life.

Thus, I'm left believing that no matter how this current relationship ends up, I will someday experience the love I've been denied all these years. If it doesn't come in the form of a committed relationship with a man, then maybe it will just come from within myself as I continue to build a life that fits me -- a life free of ridicule, negativity, selfishness, new debt, condemnation, disdain and so many other things I'm happy to be rid of.

So, whether with the love of my life or not, I know this -- I now love my life!