1st: Choose wisely. Pay attention to everything they wrote and checked on their applications. If you are a strong Christian, then for the love of God, do NOT choose an atheist or a Buddhist. You will clash, and it is NOT your place or your job to convert the student you've chosen. If the student says that he is a vegetarian, then respect that, and if you are a hard core meat and potatoes family that seldom serves the green stuff, then look elsewhere for a student to host. If the girl says she has allergies, then she is not a good match for your five cat house, so it doesn't matter that she's the only German girl left and you really wanted a German girl; choose someone else!
2nd: Be sure that your own family members are on board with the decision to bring a stranger into your home. If even one of your own children or your own spouse/significant other is opposed to taking this step with you, then you are setting the whole thing up for failure. Also, you are unfairly bringing a kid who is excited about coming to the U.S. into a strained situation, and he's only going to resent you and your family for it -- after all, another family who was completely committed to hosting could have chosen him instead.
3rd: Make a place for him or her in your home. This student will be a FAMILY MEMBER and NOT a nine-month guest. She needs her own bed at the very least, and she needs space to put her personal things and where she can feel at home in her home-away-from-home.This means -- make a place for her in a bedroom (preferably one of her own), in the bathroom (clear a shelf or drawer), in the car, in your family room or rec room or wherever you congregate the most as a family, etc.
4th: Connect with him and his family
before his arrival. When I hosted my first student in the 1997, this was
difficult to do because it had to be done with an expensive long-distance phone
call or via a letter that might reach the family after the student had arrived
in the U.S.; however, nowadays, with all the types of social media and e-mail
available, it is really easy to reach out and let the real parents know that
their beloved child is going to be just fine with you even though he's
thousands of miles from home for a full school year. Turn the tables -- if your
own child were the one going overseas, you'd feel a lot more comfortable about
it if you knew the parents there cared enough to let you know things about
themselves. So, do the same for them.
5th: Figure out what rules and
expectations you have for the student, and then explain those rules and enforce
them. Don't have double standards for your own children and your exchange
student. Remember, she is NOT a guest. If you expect your own son home at ten
o'clock on a school night, then you will expect your exchange student home at
the same time. The reverse is true, though, too. Don't give your own children
special privileges that you deny to your student. That will breed resentment
and will only lead to problems and more problems.Be realistic with your rules/expectations,
and follow through on them. The student is a teenager after all, so it's in his
nature to test you. Don't fail the test.
6th: Don't treat the kid as an indentured
servant. He didn't come here to clean your house and car, cook your meals, or
scoop your driveway. However, he should be expected to do a reasonable amount
of those things. Reasonable. If your own child is sitting inside playing video
games while the boy from India is outside mowing the lawn, then you have a
problem. Or if you are sitting on your ass watching TV while your girl from
Spain is mixing up her thirtieth paella for you and your drooling brood, then
you are doing this hosting thing for the wrong reasons. By all means, have the
kids help and occasionally treat you to a meal from their own country/culture,
but their main reasons for being here are to get an education and to experience
our culture and learn what they can from that. Don't add to the negative
stereotype that exists out there about Americans being lazy, greedy, selfish
and ignorant. Learn from your student while they are learning from you.
7th: Be there for the student. In my
own situation, I'm blessed in that I am a teacher at the school where my
exchange students attend, and I've taught/coached them all in some capacity.
School is these kids' lives. They make friends there, they take part in
activities there, they eat one meal a day there and sometimes two, they grow
immensely during their stay based upon the things they do at school more than
the things they do with you and your family; so get involved and pay attention
to what your student is doing at school. Attend his football games even if he
only stands on the sidelines every game, go watch her in the school play even
if she only says one line, cheer on the marching band as it goes by in every
parade even if he just plays the cymbals twice during the entire song, etc.
School is important to the student, so make it important to you -- if you
cannot do that, then don't host. It's that simple.
8th: Understand that while nine months
SEEMS like a long time, it will fly by, so appreciate all the moments you get
to share with the student and treat her to a few little excursions whenever
possible. She will be very busy at school, and those activities will suck up most
of her time, so plan some trips to show her other aspects of your state or
region that she will miss due to her crush of activities. You get to not only
be her host parent, but you also get to be her teacher and guide, and it will
your lessons that will make some of the biggest impressions upon her and shape
her opinions and memories of the U.S.
These are basic and common sense pieces of
hosting advice, but they've served me well, and I've honed them to points that
work pretty darn well. I want to share one of the biggest perks of hosting that
many people don't consider -- once the kids go back home, provided you had a
positive experience with them during their stay, you now have friends in other
countries who in turn can host you during a visit to those countries.
I've visited my students in Mexico, Spain
and Italy. Every trip has been wonderful because these students and their
parents have shown me the "real" countries just as I did for the
students when they lived with me. I'm not interested in seeing the touristy
places in foreign countries -- I want the true experience. I get that when I
visit these real families who can take me to places where the locals go. My
very first exchange student was only 10 years younger than me when I hosted
her. Less than two years after her return to Mexico her parents were killed in
a car crash. I had never met them, and that made me really sad, so I vowed to
get to know the families of any other students I hosted, and I've made good on
that -- I do, though, need to get to Germany and the Czech Republic to meet the
parents of my most recent hosting experiences. However, I did start traveling
to Mexico pretty regularly to get to know that girl's extended family, and soon
I found that I was a part of it. They were so loving and appreciative of my
having hosted her. Over the years our bond has grown and she is now my very
best friend. My life is infinitely better with her in it, and I would never
have known this person if I'd never hosted.
If you choose to host and you do it right,
your life, too, will be infinitely better than it is now and than you can ever
imagine.
